Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 30 November 2004

30 November 2004

Tuesday's diary is brought to you from the city of Nottingham, in a hail of inner-city bullets and puffa jackets with hoods made of lace. Now, that'd make gang-on-gang violence a lot more palatable, wouldn't it?

It's pretty slow on the news front today, other than the fat boys in the reserves getting too full up on Rowntrees chocolate and losing 2-0 to York City stiffs. Graham Rodger puts this down to Town's players not breathing or walking or stuff, saying: "In the second half we stopped doing the basic things." Now call me old-fashioned, but I'd have thought that's the first thing you'd be teaching your players. I mean, I'd have even forgiven Rodge if he'd have mentioned putting one foot in front of the other at half time. Seems he couldn't be arsed and was too busy munching his way through the second half of December on his free Fimbles advent calendar. Oh, and Simon Ramsden played for 70 minutes on his comeback from injury.

As alive to commercial opportunities as ever, Town's official website has also caught on to the fact that the shops are full of delirious twats buying shit off people who don't want to sell them it, for people who don't need it at all. In other words, everyone's gone Christmas shopping crazy. And now you can too! Or at least you can send your Aunty Sandra a GTFC Christmas card. She'll be well chuffed, and you won't have to scoot round Wilko's in a furtive manner clutching a sensuous lady's grooming kit.

Back to more serious matters, and the Grimsby Telegraph is reporting that the people of Grimsby have had a moment of clarity, and have come out in favour of the free as a bird Terrell Forbes. Proof, if it be needed, that those scaremongering headlines are really never needed, are they, chaps? Even if it takes the Rector of Grimsby to tell you.

Town's nippers get to play in big, beautiful Pride Park tonight in the third round of the FA Youth Cup, when they take on Derby. At only £3 to get in, your correspondent is sorely tempted to cross the county border and make a break for it. Plus, Pride Park is handily situated next to a Pizza Hut. Mind you, the good burghers at the Derby Telegraph (what is it with these newspapers called 'Telegraph'?) seem to think that they're entitled to beat us tonight, having been booted out of the competition last year: "Academy set-ups like Derby's, given the time and facilities available to them, should not lose to clubs so far down the pyramid." Imagine their sheer shock and horror if they lose tonight. They'll have to go and shag a sheep, or something. I didn't say that. OK?

Right. I'm off Freddie Shepherd hunting. I trust you'll join me...?