Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 29 November 2004

29 November 2004

Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you: "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays"? Mondays themselves are rubbish for those of us blue-collar types who are contracted to work Monday to Friday, 9 to 5 - and then whatever other hours our employers deem necessary for us to endure, probably so we pay for our days off.

Today, however, is a little different, for over the weekend Town have only gone and nabbed a mighty and impressive point at Southend, surprising everyone connected with Grimsby Town Football Club. And, according to Andy Parkinson (three goals in 22 appearances this season), were it not for a "world class save", it would have been two goals conceded for the home side. Yes. Those bastard goalies, eh. Goal hero Sir John exposes why Town might not have been knocking the goals in on their travels this season. "I nearly killed Parky because he was screaming for a square ball and it was putting me off." Cod Almighty is already DHLing a gag over to Blundell Park for the gobby Scouse scamp. And when I say 'gag', I don't mean a joke. Anyway, have a read of Andy Holt's rather sublime match report and revel in Russ's wise words for more info.

"Forbes is a free man," said the little teaser for Friday's Diary. Not any more he isn't, as TJ (as he is more affectionately known) has decided to sign on with the Mariners until the end of the season with only the 'i's to dot and the 't's to cross, according to Town's chief gardener Rusty Spade. Those who have seen Forbes's performances this season (gormless gaffe at Chester aside) will be breathing a little easier at night now (which seems to be many, going by the Riby Square Tatler). Those who haven't... they're probably going scarlet in their homes in Australia as Town's name is dragged further though the mud.

Talking of whom - if you're interested - the Electronic Fishcake (which isn't an oxymoron; possibly just an euphemism) sticks to its cutting editorial policy of rewriting wordy prose so the fans can understand it by totally, totally fucking up what the club's intentions for the forthcoming EGM are. Ah, those Australians - they're quite useful at humiliating us Brits with an egg-shaped ball, but words? Bloody rubbish.

Searching for a little warmth and cheer? Raise a small glass of brandy and a mince pie in the direction of the club's official site, the Winnie the Pooh of Town websites - all the right letters, just in the wrong places. One imagines that if it weren't for the internet, club officials would be forced to stand outside the Imp crying: "Penny for the sign!" so Russ can have a carrier of copper coinage to bring in another player. Which, according to Andy Holt, sounds like just the case: "Some West Ham youngster is going to play for us against York reserves today so Slade can run the rule over him, as they say. He's called Greg Pearson, in case you're bothered." Which sounds to me like Russ has learnt from getting his fingers burned and trying the 'promising forward from supposed top team' option, which seems to have worked for Scunthorpe for the past two years.

You can't keep a good man down and - unless he's had more than two cans of bitter - that includes our very Diary, a man who very much lives in the past, not the future. Fresh from partying over the weekend (week off working, my arse), the old boy seems to have rediscovered some of his vigour with this email: "Paul Raven! First-team coach at Barrow! Might re-register as a player!" What the Diary has neglected to mention is James T Kirk Wheeler extending his loan period at the same club as well. Lets hope Wheels picks up some of his mentor's, er, more distinctive and effective skills.

Um, that looks like it. By the way, no-one's ever asked if I'm suffering from Mondaysitis. But if they did I'd hit them very hard in the face - let alone kick their arse - for saying something like that, man.

Leeds office, over and out.