Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 14 December 2004

14 December 2004

Flash! Woh-oh! Saviour of the Universe! If Freddie Mercury were alive today and supporting Grimsby Town Football Club, though, he might well be altering that last bit to "Potential saviour of Russell Slade's ass!", as Darren 'Flash' Mansaram's hat-trick for the reserves yesterday afternoon could signal that the answer to the Mariners' goalscoring woes has been under Mr Slade's nose all along. Mansaram bagged his triple in a scary-sounding 6-4 win over Boston which also saw goals for Stacy Coldicott, Rob Jones and Graham 'The Hair' Hockless, together with a few for the Pilgrims' new striking sensation Mr Daryl Clare. Despite the exploits of Daz the Maz, however, Hockless is expected to retain the hero worship of sections of the Pontoon by virtue of the fact that "We want Mansaram on" would have one too many syllables.

Town's opponents this Friday night, Oxford, have taken great exception to the late notice they have received from Blundell Park about the 'two free kids' offer in operation at the game. "We have belatedly been told by Grimsby Town that Friday night's match is part of a special deal which allows kids to watch for free," reads an announcement on the official website of the Oxford-based club. "Apologies for the lateness in making this announcement," adds the site, glaring bitchily in a north-north-easterly bearing. If you ask this daily news summariser, Oxford ought to be thankful; Mrs Diary only had five minutes' notice that I was making her poached egg and beans on toast for breakfast, and she didn't seem to mind too much. Honestly, some people.

The Us aren't the only ones with Town's offer on their minds (I thought that was Cambridge's nickname, but hey, if they can share a elitist academic power base then I guess they can share a nickname), as our new friend Sibbo has been moved to compose a new email on the very same subject. "My daughter Nic thought the Oxford game was kid free. 'We'll be able to get a seat, Dad, if there are no kids!' Tell her to wise up, Diary." Wise up, Diary. Tell you what, though - if they put a ball pool at the bottom of the Pontoon then I might just be tempted along. Having a go in a ball pool, you see, is in the Diary's list of things to do before I die - somewhere in between being allowed into McMenemy's and a spot of energetic whoopie with Eliza Dushku.

Finally, today's final word goes finally to Miles 'The Finalist' Moss, who writes: "You entertain in today's Diary" - it was yesterday's Diary, because he wrote it yesterday - "the possibility of Finnish finisher Villi Vaselene's trial being conducted over the internet. You might have stumbled on something here. What better way to try out unknown players than to set up a session of Championship - sorry, Football Manager, as it is now, with your current squad, then introduce another virtual player and play out the rest of the season. If he's brilliant, you phone the real-life player and get him to come over and sign up. There is a flaw, of course - last time I was manager of Grimsby, I signed Michael Reddy, and he banged in 30 a season. And Alan Pouton was in the England squad."