Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 23 March 2005

23 March 2005

New keeper ahoy! Maybe. Or probably not. Paul Fraser has followed the trail blazed in recent years by Andy Love, Steve Croudson, Andy Pettinger, Morgan Cranley, Ronald Ermes, Bradley Hughes - and probably, as the K-Tel adverts used to say, many more - in being a young reserve stickman released by the Mariners after not many appearances for the first team. Well, none, to be precise. Fraser's departure will doubtless prompt speculation, as the newspapers would put it, that Sort It is about to do just that with the first-team number 1 shirt and bring in some serious competition for Anthony Williams, since the only other keeper anywhere near the books is, um, somebody Murray from the youth team, I think, and Williams was hilariously placed on eBay last week by somebody who doesn't think he's any good. I wonder why nobody had already thought of doing that with a footballer. The Diary's sides are still aching from the helpless mirth it reduced me to.

But on the other hand, there's nothing left to play for this season, and Town aren't going to bring in a player at this time of year if they're going to have to pay his wages over the summer, are they.

The youth of today, I dunno. When they're not beating up mobile phones or stealing old people, they're losing 2-0 in the semi-final of the Midlands Youth Floodlit Cup despite giving a good account of themselves in a goalless first half, with Danny North spurning his side's best chance in the first minute, before succumbing to strikes in the 53rd and 83rd minutes from their resilient Port Vale counterparts, who now go on to face Shrewsbury in the final. Tut. I don't know what the world's coming to.

And that's about all for today, apart from another set of appalling song title/cheese puns. James Booth suggests the Beach Boys' 'Gouda Vibrations' before taking on a couple of artists with "70s easy listening maestro Camembert Bacharach" and the prefacing of art-punk icons Wire with the word 'cheese'. Mike Worden opts for 'Summer Bries' by the Isley Brothers and the Jacksons' 'Gouda be There'. And Phil Watson reluctantly drags himself into the fray: "If you absolutely must play this silly cheese game, how about 'So Long, It's Been Gouda Know Ya' by Woody Guthrie," he offers, adding: "This is an indication of my bang-up-to-the-minute taste in pop music." Thank you all again. And if you're feeling old, Phil, at least you've probably seen a thing or two. Whereas when the Diary is your age, all I'll be able to say I've done with my useless life is spend it typing up rubbish like this.