Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 8 March 2005

8 March 2005

Woe, dude! Injury woe, that is. After generating 1.21 gigawatts of power with the heat off his glowing, frazzled head when he received the news that Michael Reddy and Jason Crowe would be out of action until Aprilish, stressed-out Mr Russell Slade is now able to feed surplus electricity back into the National Grid having discovered that cultured defender Simon Ramsden will miss a couple of weeks of football with the ankle injury that forced him to withdraw at half time from last Saturday's win at Oxford. With Mullet Rambo's fellow defenders Terrell Forbes and Justin Whittle back on form and fit, though, this is not quite the blow it might otherwise have been, and the renewed firing of all Sir John McDermott's elderly cylinders means Sorted It retains the option of a man who can play right-back, in the event of him wishing to field back fours instead of threes.

John Fenty has been banned from driving for six months after totting up more disciplinary points than Tony Crane last season. According to today's Grimsby Telegraph, the Town chairman admitted driving at 93 miles an hour on the M180 last May: an offence for which local magistrates added five points to the nine already accrued on his licence. The court rejected PJ's argument that a ban would be unfair "after hearing one of his problems arose because his girlfriend was not sufficiently confident to tow a horse box, and that he could afford to employ a driver for his business", leaving Fenty to fume: "The imposition to myself and my family will be extremely impractical" - an appeal the Diary will be sure to try when I finally get 12 years for libel, perjury and perverting the course of justice. The GTFC supremo may or may not now be considering an appeal on the grounds that a fair trial was impossible in Scunthorpe.

Prolific scribe of GTFC epistles Dave the Engineer has dropped the Diary another line, this time to offer advice to his fellow Town fans who are headed south for this weekend's Lincolnshire sort-of-derby at Boston. "Fans travelling on Saturday should be aware the A16 is closed at Ulceby Cross," warns Dave. "Follow the Skeg road then turn right through Skendleby, then right again back into Spilsby. If you miss the turning for Skendleby you'll have to go to Gunby roundabout and back up the Spilsby road, adding about 10 miles to your journey." Thanks for that, mate, though if I know Grimbarians then they'll already be dreaming up conspiracy theories. "Well, he's probably just saying that to get everybody else off the road so he can have a clear drive. No, it's true. Me niece goes out with Michael Chapman's new stable lad, so I know."

Paul, aka the Derby Mariner, has emailed to draw our attention to this rather gaudy website, "where you can enter the draw every day between today and the Championship play-off final, to win £250k for Town and £10k for yourself. Also daily prizes of tickets. Every entry scores the club a point in a 'league table'. So far Grimsby are ranked 69th of 84, and Leeds are top! This needs to be addressed! Spread the the word Almighty Cod!" Consider it done, Paul, because it is. But what is this 'Championship' of which you speak?