Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 28 April 2005

28 April 2005

Tony Crane, Tony Crane, Tony Tony Crane, he's got a big derriere but we don't care, Tony Tony Crane. And nor does Rabid Russell Slade, for the experimental-minded GTFC boss is set to give the strapping centre-half, now fully recovered from long-term injury, his first start of the season this weekend, reckons the Mariners' official website. "He is looking fitter and that's good for us," says Russ controversially. There remain contributors to the Grimsby Telegraph letters page and Radio Humberside phone-in, of course, who won't be happy until big Tony is installed up front as the Mariners' new 50-goals-in-ten-seasons Livingstonian target man, so the manager can expect no let-up in the stream of ridiculous purple-faced invective that cascades upon him even if Town beat Kidderminster by twenty-three goals to nil.

You can say what you like about Sheffield Wednesday - and most people do, ha ha, ha ha - but the inhabitants of that great big ground at Hillsborough are no slouches when it comes to announcing their schedule of pre-season friendlies. And because you are reading these words on a website whose primary concern is not Sheffield Wednesday but Grimsby Town, and it's a pretty good website too, so you're probably reasonably intelligent, you've most likely figured by this point that one of the Owls' summertime run-outs will also involve Russell Slade's underachieving army in some way. Well done, you! The slumbering behemoths of South Yorkshire visit Blundell Park on Monday 18 July, kicking off at half past seven - or, for those of you watching in black and white, half past seven. Give yourself a prize.

Warning: this paragraph may involve use of the tedious stock phrases "hit back at claims" and "heavy-handed policing". It's about the Humberside constabulary's approach to last Saturday's (yawn) big Lincolnshire derby, which if several visiting supporters are to be believed involved the unwarranted use of CS spray and batons, crushing people against walls, police horses breaking people's toes and, worst of all, not being allowed to leave that awful pub on the seafront that used to be the Submarine. Many Scunny fans have voiced severe criticism of rozzer tactics but Superintendent Stuart Donald of Humberside Police has retorted: "Perhaps it is those who ruined the day for others who should be asked the question 'why?'." Supt Donald is clearly not a man who has ever been for a drink in the Bucket & Spade.

Speaking of local pubs for local people, the Diary is cheered to receive an email that mentions both an excellent Lincolnshire brewery and the Cod Almighty team's preferred pre-match hang-out. Unfortunately, Dave the Engineer is asking: "Does the Rutland Arms sell Batemans?", to which the gently wistful answer is: "Ah, if only it did, Dave - if only it did."

Dr Phil Watson, meanwhile, has emailed on the subject of yesterday's Diary; to be precise, questioning the veracity of the title of the George Harrison album All Things Must Pass. "A midfield consisting of Fleming and Coldicott would seem to be a counterexample," contends Phil cruelly, adding almost as cruelly: "The entire Lincoln team would be another. Wasn't 'All Things Must HOOOOF' a Ringo Starr solo album?"