Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 18 April 2005

18 April 2005

After two years of Town players telling the Grimsby Telegraph every Friday that they're disappointed with the last result, they know they can do better, and they'll try really hard next time, the club occupies 17th spot in the fourth division. In a dramatic bid to break this cycle of underachievement, though, GTFC have now taken the radical new step of getting a player to tell the Grimsby Telegraph on a Monday that that they're disappointed with the last result, they know they can do better, and they'll try really hard next time. So it is that gigantic central defender Rob Jones has stepped forward to explain that: "We are all in this game to win - you don't play games just to take part." Whatever.

So just as your regular Diary eases his cute little tush back into the hotseat, the flow of news from Blundell Park has once again subsided, leaving only the furious but distant murmur of Rabid Russ locked in urgent talks with his anger management counsellor. The rest of us, meanwhile, are left to speculate as to why it is that the manager has not felt compelled to lambast the inadequate contributions of his goalkeeper by referring to him only as "the Welshman", or spoken of his struggling left-back only as "the Englishman". One earnestly hopes that Sort It's distrust of creative players is not compounded by a Buckleyesque twist of xenophobia.

Once this Saturday is over, it can't get any worse. Just remember that.

British Telecommunications plc recently wanted 60-odd quid off the Diary to set up a phone line in my house, so I won't be able to sign up to a whizzy new scheme initiated by Grimsby Town Supporters Trust to raise ring-fenced cash for the Tax Thing. Which is a shame, because it is more ingenious than a shed full of Mastermind contestants. Basically, right, you sign up for this phone package, and 6 per cent of your bill goes to bail GTFC out of the mess caused by Dudley Ramsden and Bryan Huxford. Well, out of the cash part of it, anyway; I don't suppose there's any way we can travel back in time to 2000 and un-sack Alan Buckley. It only works if you've got a BT line, though, I think. The phone money raising thing, not time travel. I'm going to end this paragraph now.

Here's a question for you, then, readers. Which 29-year-old Englishman played for Manchester United, Manchester City, Grimsby Town and Sheffield during his professional career in England? Well, you're thinking, it can't be Terry Cooke; he never played for Sheffield. What if I tell you that his new team "waived midfielder Martin Morales Friday and added midfielder Terry Cooke to the team's senior roster"? That's right - the evanescent winger has gone to that America, where the Houston Chronicle has failed only to include Nottingham Hotspurts in his list of former clubs. Goalstrike!

Another player who has been repeatedly waived from the roster lately is, of course, Ashley 'Outta Here' Sestanovich, and it is on the subject of the transitory one's recent release from Chester City that Mark Wilson has felt moved to email the Diary. "What an irony that the Diary quotes Ashley Sestanovich as saying 'I have got a career and a job'," writes Mark, "when Sky Sports News told me the exact opposite this morning. Is he the first ever player to be released by three clubs in one season?" Well, I think he's still got some way to go before he catches up with Mickael Antoine-Curier, but the point needed making nonetheless. Have you anything further to add, Mark? "Twat." Thought so.