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Diary - Tuesday 5 April 2005

5 April 2005

The battle continues for aerial supremacy in the coverage of Town's youth set-up being sponsored by Humberside Airport. Today the Grimsby Telegraph's treatment of the story has really taken off, with a twin engine wordplay blast from the headline and first sentence elevating the local paper to a higher altitude than its competitors - and yesterday it was just taxiing along the pun-way. "It is good that they are providing sponsorship," fumes outspoken Mariners boss Mr Russell Slade.

Well, it's a slow news day, and I've got to do something to entertain myself. I've just turned the radio up really loud, because the Ramones' version of 'Baby I Love You' has just come on, but it'll be over before I reach the end of this sentence. And sure enough, it was. The greatest pleasures in life are always the briefest. That's what I keep telling Mrs Diary, anyway.

Dan Humphrey, who you may remember from such recent Cod Almighty innovations as the entertaining almost-weekly Q&A thing he's been doing on this website lately, has emailed the Diary to tell us about his weekend exploits in something called the Lincoln 10km road race and refer to himself in the third person. "When checking his results on the BBC website," writes Dan, "he noticed he was only a few minutes behind recent Town reject Giovanni Carchedi - mentioned in yesterday's Diary. Does this mean Dan is fast or Gio is slow? And why did not Tony Crane or Glen Downey run; they've got nothing else to do?" It's a good question, but judging from that "why did not", Dan must have spent most of the race with his head in a Jane Austen, as it were - which might explain why he "finished a creditable 452nd". Out of how many, Mr Humphrey? We don't want Town to be finishing a creditable 24th, now, do we?

It is a truth universally acknowledged among the Cod Almighty team that a single man in need of some useful information must be in want of Andy Holt. And, sure enough, up he pops with a public information announcement for Diary readers. "If, like the Diary, you find yourself needing to copy and paste from the OS and are prevented by that Java thingummy then find yourself prevented no more. Simply download a copy of Netscape's browser and use that. Simple." Thank you, Andy. Thank you very much. Shall we get married then, or what?

And that, I regret to have to inform you, is all for today. Lawrie McMenemy still hasn't been reinstated as manager. Town still haven't swapped stadiums with Hull. And Michael Howard is still a fucking wanker. See you tomorrow.