Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 27 May 2005

27 May 2005

Hullo. Bottom-of-the-Barrel Diary here, bringing you the too-hot-to-touch Town news direct from Tetney: the only place in North East Lincolnshire where people still celebrate Lammas. And what have we here? News that highly-rated playwright, sorry, playmaker Alex Russell is out of contract with the Gulls, and attracting interest from the Robins. Makes him sound like a disgusting worm. No, hang on, that's Sam Aiston. But why am I mentioning this man? Because Grimsby are showing interest, despite his stated preference for a Division One club. Which division are we in again? Two? So he won't come here will he? Remember, you entered this news cul-de-sac here first. No turning in the driveway please.

Never mind, there's still plenty of quality in the Town squad. There's Pinault... oh, no, hang on... well, there's Forbes... whoa! Somewhat predictably, the sweepery type player has gone and signed for someone higher up the league: Oldham, to be specific, leaving us lighter in the classy defender area to the tune of one. Old friends of B.O.T.B. Diary will be relieved and delighted that I'm not going to say anything about him functioning best in a five-man attack, since such a comment would not be topical, funny, or legally warranted. Suffice it to say that my heart sinks a little with each passing day, and each passing player who leaves Town. We're in the army now.

Never mind, at least we've still got a defender who slide-tackles himself in a comical manner... whoa! Ronnie Bull has left the club, according to unofficial sources. Apparently he has been released by Town and is currently trying to impress the powers that be at Wycombe in the hope of gaining a contract there. Do the slide tackle trick, Ronnie - that'll win them over. Despite claims that this news is on the OS, I can't find it, despite semi-diligent searching. All I could find were loads of pictures of a bald man in a silly hat. Let's hope that Cod Almighty never stoops to that level, eh?

Right, I'm off. A good harvest is important here in Tetney, and the gods must be appeased. Will someone please fetch me a goat and a bucket? Cheers.