Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 29 June 2005

29 June 2005

Today's football has been postponed due to a waterlogged pitch.

"They are associated with death and destruction on tropical shores, but the Humber coastline could be hit by a tsunami, according to a Government report." As usual, though, the Grimsby Telegraph is just getting its kicks out of scaring you shitless, as the story that threatens this climatological catastrophe is soon obliged by that pesky journalistic requirement for accuracy to grudgingly admit that if a tsunami were to strike the Central Promenade up Meggies then "the height of the waves would not be much higher than the storm surges which already batter the Yorkshire and Humber coast". Booo! Sort it Neptunes!

It's not all bad news for fans of Old Testament-style watery destruction, though, as a study by University College London has revealed that Grimsby stands a one in 20 chance of being completely swallowed up by the North Sea during the next 200 years, as climate change melts the global icecaps and pushes up sea levels. So keep on driving them SUVs, folks, and sooner or later all the sadness and pain in our lives will be washed away with Blundell Park.