Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Thursday 30 June 2005
30 June 2005
Can you lend me a blunt knife? A trowel? How about a dessertspoon? Anything will do as long as I can scrape the bottom of a barrel with it.
"We are looking to bring in three or four more signings," Mr Russell Slade has told Town's official website. Given that he said the other week that he wanted a squad of 20 players and that he now has 16, I might as well jack this Diary lark in now and go backpacking in Uruguay.
Tonight the Mariners are going to "play Grimsby Town Cricket Club in what promises to be an entertaining evening", says Town's official website, tempting fate if not the Trades Description Act. Barbecue, autographs, Augusta Street cricket ground, half past six. Whether the game is cricket, football, or some peculiar hybrid thereof, we know not - or indeed whether Russ's men are "playing Grimsby Town Cricket Club" to brush up their thespian skills in a bid to win a few more penalties next season.
Stacy Coldicott is training with GTFC but still won't be staying with the club. Quite nice of the club to let him train with them, in the circumstances, wouldn't you say. That lanky ginger kid we had on loan off Brentford last year has signed for Yeovil. Wow.
That entirely unremarkable sequence of news items is followed by an entirely remarkable sequence of words: namely "thank heavens for Dan Humphrey". Dan has broken up the tedium of today's headlines by emailing the Diary about Town's forthcoming League Cup tie at Derby; or specifically, about a quote from Rams boss Phil Brown in the Derby Evening Telegraph. ''If we lost in the first round of both cup competitions and got out of the Championship nothing would give me greater pleasure," said Phil, possibly giving Town more respect that they're due. "Does that include getting relegated?!" asks DH. "Even if it doesn't, what a strange thing to say - I'd rather get knocked out of the cups than win them? Nothing would give me greater pleasure thanÂ… winning the lottery, end to world poverty... no, just promotion this season would do?!" They're a strange lot, football managers - and if nothing floats Phil's boat better than the prospect of demotion to the third division then it's Mrs Brown I feel sorry for.
John Pakey is another Diary reader who has mercifully emailed with some entertaining news from another club, this time Colchester, who are advertising on their official website for a supporter with carpet fitting skills to drop by Layer Road and install some new astroturf free of charge. "And I thought Grimsby Town must be running a tight ship with the taxman knocking at the door," writes JP. "This is ridiculous. Wonder if Aidan Davison could manage it?" After the season before last, John, I'm not sure I'd trust his gripÂ… meanwhile, are there any Town fans out there who have a couple of hours spare every Saturday for nine months of the year and boast proven skills in motivational speaking?
I'm going to sleep until Monday.