Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 6 June 2005

6 June 2005

Just as you were still receiving counselling for the trauma inflicted by their fans celebrating promotion by shouting "AAAAH! AYAWOTCHINCODDEDS?!" down Radio Humberside's microphone on the last day of the football season, Scunthorpe United have found a new and even more devastating way to mete out pain and torment on their deadly sworn enemies down the road at Blundell Park. Yea, Grimbarian, tremble with rage and grind thy teeth to powder, for the Iron have signed a bloke called Jim Goodwin from Stockport, who Town were apparently after as well. A 23-year-old Irishman, Goodwin has penned a two-year contract at the Glanford Industrial Estate, and it looks like he was the 'unnamed' midfielder from last season's third division who Rambling Russ was on about signing last week. Several coachloads of Scunthorpe supporters are shortly expected to continue their campaign of psychological torture by travelling to Grimsby to knock on people's doors and then run away.

Fast-moving Town chairman John Fenty has made an early pitch for the 2005 World Keeping A Straight Face Championship by praising the support received by his team from the BP stands during the 2004-05 campaign. In insisting to the Grimsby Telegraph: "Last season we had fabulous support from the fans," Fenty displayed outstanding control of his facial musculature, before adding: "I thought they were fantastic," in a slightly louder voice so as to drown out the chorus of mindless boos going on across the town in the background. New season tickets go on sale today, by the way.

Town's tireless supporters' trust has hit on more money-raising wheezes to keep the taxperson from the gates of Blundell Park. For 50 quid, individuals and businesses will shortly be able to sponsor a section of the very earth and grass over which the boys in black and white will be lamping long balls without Thomas Pinault next season. Said sponsors will get their names on a 'roll of honour' in the matchday programme, receive a certificate of ownership, and be entered into a draw to win a 2006-07 season ticket. More details can be found on this page, and anyone interested is advised to bagsy their patch of turf quick before the fox digs it up.