Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Monday 25 July 2005
25 July 2005
Badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushroom. I'm sorry - I know it's been there for ages but it still makes me laugh. And badgers play in black and white.
So, my Grimbarian friends, what did the weekend bring? It brought a 1-1 draw against Rotherham (a place name that rhymes with 'problems' if you're in a horribly overrated band called the Arctic Monkeys), in which the Mariners were comprehensively outplayed while they used the long ball for the first half, and then equalised after they sneakily tried passing the ball instead while Russell Slade was looking the other way. To be precise, a bordering-on-spectacular shot by the player now known as Kalala (Jean-Paul) clobbered the carpentry and fell kindly for Martin Gritton on the rebound. As in he scored when the ball bounced back to him off the goalpost, not as in he's just hurriedly entered into an inadvisable new relationship or indulged in a desperate one-night stand after being renounced by a previous lover.
Other points of note about Friday night's proceedings include the belated appearance in goal of the previously injured Steve Mildenhall, who is probably injured again now after colliding with a Rotherham forward in the first minute and then collapsing several times when kicking the ball, before eventually being substituted with shrinking violet John Lukic. Trialists on show included Ian Hillier, a twentysomething right-back formerly of Tottenham, Luton and Wales under-21s, and Australian forward Cameron Pino, whose name prompted a subversive chant of Pinault reminiscence when he was brought on against Sheffield Wednesday earlier last week. Pino has a reasonable playing record in his homeland and seems to have been on the verge of an international call-up at some point, though he failed trials with Portsmouth and Carlisle in 2004, the latter when he just got bored and buggered off without telling them.
Speaking of Jean 'JP' Paul Kamudimba Pal Kamu Kalala, the Grimsby Telegraph has managed to resist a Daily Mail/BNP-style outburst against economic migrants taking jobs off white people for long enough to run an interview with Town's new Congolese midfielder. For most of it, sadly, the player displays a distinctly English grasp of the usual "it's great to be here at [insert name of club]" formula, although it is very interesting to note that JP "went to Luton on trial and that was great... but they couldn't afford me". Quite how the supposedly cash-strapped Mariners can outbid a club two divisions higher up the league is as big a mystery to the Diary as it will be to you. I just hope that sympathetic QPR fan who took out a life membership to GTST isn't reading.
His managerial record with the Mariners may have ended in huge disappointment, but only the most perverse of purple-headed Pontoon pessimists would wish Paul Groves anything other than success and happiness in his future existence. After leaving York at the end of last season, the distinguished midfielder - who will turn 40 next February - has now signed as a player/assistant manager with Stafford Rangers of the Conference North and made an immediate impression in his new side's recent friendly against Port Vale. Shame it's a bit late to organise a friendly against them now.
This is a staff announcement. Could Sean Fieldsend email the Diary at the usual address, please. Sean Fieldsend to email the Diary. Thankyou.
"How much of a rush has there been on the John McDermott shirts," asks the importunate John Pakey in an email to the Diary, "and how long am I going to wait? I put the order in as soon as the things appeared and I'm still sitting here without a way to show my love for the great man via a 100% cotton medium. I'm not complaining, just getting anxious." I understand that a load are being sent out this week, Mr P, so the record-breaking right-back should be adorning your pectoral area any day now. Perhaps a member of the Cod Almighty fashionwear marketing team can provide figures. "Also, has the Diary considered giving one of the shirts to the legend himself?" adds John. "I'm sure with all the profits you must be making out of his godlike image you could afford one shirt, or did the Diary really want that new ivory back scratcher this month?" Hey, I wish. One bottle of Badger a year is all that's fit for the likes of me, you know.