Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 4 August 2005

4 August 2005

Congolese midfielder Jean-Paul Kamudimba/Kalala - jokingly referred to recently by Russell Slade as "the Frenchman" because of his strong facial resemblance to Thomas Pinault - will miss Town's opening game against Oxford this Saturday with the knee injury he inevitably received in Tuesday's, ahem, friendly against violent top-flight millionaires Blackburn Rovers. And won't be back for two weeks. Bugger. Reporting the bad news, the club's official website adds that Ciaran Toner will probably also miss out with ankle knack. Bugger. The absence of him and JPK could mean a weekend debut for Terry Barwick, whose appearances in the Mariners' pre-season games so far have given certain spectators the opportunity to prove once again - by, incredibly, booing their own players in friendlies - that the Grimbarian gene pool must immediately be enhanced by surgically denying them the right to reproduce.

More than 24 hours after the story broke that Town legend John McDermott will retire from playing at the end of the 2005-06 season, the Mariners' website is still yet to carry the news, despite running a page of stats about the player's appearance records and stuff. The Diary smells something fishy here (could it be that Macca told Radio Humberside of his intentions before informing the club?), and even if I am experiencing olfactory hallucination it still seems a little astonishing that no official comment has yet issued from Blundell Park regarding Sir John's bowing out. And that doesn't look like any curry I've ever eaten, by the way...

Do you have TONY FORD tattooed on your knuckles? A birthmark the shape of the Dock Tower? London-based snapper Zak Waters is seeking visually distinctive GTFC fans for a photography project he is working on, so if that sounds like you, or you're planning to attend a match in fancy dress or anything like that, and you fancy helping out, then email Zak at zak@watersz.fsnet.co.uk.

Did you know GTFC has a group of "safety chiefs"? The Diary must confess to having been oblivious to this important group of people, but according to today's Grimsby Telegraph, they not only exist but are also "clamping down on unruly behaviour this season with club stewards teaming up with the police to stamp out troublemakers", which sounds such a good idea that you can only wonder why nobody ever thought of it before. New measures include "re-emphasising" the Main Stand's no smoking policy and getting shot of the unreserved seating in the Pontoon. "We want to safeguard our aim of promoting a family atmosphere and will take whatever steps are necessary to ensure the highest possible standards of behaviour," said Town's safety officer Terry Rudrum, staring pointedly at Tony Crane.

Remember Paul Shields? Course you do. His 29 league goals in 58 starts for Forfar Athletic prompted Town to offer the Scots part-timers five thousand quid for him way back in June 2005. "Ye're having a wee laugh, laddie!" said Forfar. "Yeah, we are actually," said Town. "Grrrr!" said Forfar. And that was that - until yesterday, when Gillingham signed him for £25,000. "The offer was substantially more than that offered by other clubs, and has no performance clauses in it," said Forfar's chairman David McGregor, staring pointedly at John Fenty.