Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 30 March 2006

30 March 2006

Possibly having realised that April Fool jokes are all very well until they land you in trouble with the local trading standards office, GTFC have decided to clarify that holders of their special voucher thingies will indeed be able to buy tickets for Saturday's game against Wrexham for the sum of just five United Kingdom pounds (or £2.50 for kids). The, er, foolish part, it turns out, is that the offer is valid for just three hours from 9am at the ticket office on the morning of the match, noon being the traditional cut-off point for the whole poisson d'avril thing, y'see! For Saturday's early edition, meanwhile, the Grimsby Telegraph is yet to decide whether to revive the 'merger with Hull' gag or try a jape about the Fentydome having to pay its way by multitasking as a venue for speedway, ice hockey, equestrianism and r*gby l**gue.

There's only one John McDermott - which is a shame, because if there were eleven then Town might still be in the second division. There is also only one Gary Cohen and one Curtis Woodhouse, which means that if they don't recover from their respective cricked neck and slight hip strain in time for the weekend then other players will have to play against Wrexham instead. Messrs Parkinson, Mendes, Goodfella and Kamukalalachameleon are on stand-by.

"Grimsby Town reserves were beaten 2-1 at York tonight in a game in which they deserved something," reported the Mariners' official website late on Wednesday evening. Precisely what they deserved was not made clear, though one strongly suspects it to have been a 2-1 defeat. Ben Higgins was the scorer as the second string crashed to its 409th defeat of the season against a non-League reserve side with a teenage goalkeeper and a midfielder registered to Leyburn United of the Wensleydale Creamery League. Speaking of trialists, the three already with GTFC were joined, as anticipated, by two more from FC United of Manchester. Rory Patterson and Will Ahern "acquitted themselves well" according to Graham Rodger, but also told Town's assistant boss "that they are not used to that pace". If a Wednesday night reserve game at Bootham Crescent is a bit much, the FCUM duo will need to raise their tempo considerably to match the searing swiftness of Russell Slade's current first XI, won't they?

Pat Bell has emailed the Diary (which reminds me: the proper email address is working again now - so it's back to diary@codalmighty.com please, everybody) to draw our attention to a nicely written, albeit somewhat alarming, report from Carlisle Five's local paper on their win against Lincoln the other night. The all-conquering Cumbrians, it would seem, managed to see off the physical challenge of Big Keith's big team of Town thrashers while still playing some pretty stylish football - and Pat sounds worried. "Why will our match at Carlisle be like being woken up by your partner, demanding sex?" he asks. "Because if Carlisle are expecting us to compete on artistic merit, they will be in for a rude, but ultimately pleasurable, awakening?"

That's me done for the week again, then, so ta for reading and don't forget to put your head round the door tomorrow for whichever of CA's crack team of guest diarists ends up seeing out the month of March. T'ra, all!