Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Wednesday 23 August 2006
23 August 2006
1635. The Académie Française in Paris is expanded to become a national academy for the artistic elite. The speed limit for a hackney carriage in London is set at 3mph. And also the number of supporters who turned out to witness last night's 3-0 League Cup defeat at the feet of Crewe. Coincidentally, 1635 is 4331 according to the Chinese calendar - also the kind of attendance that Town's bigwigs should have been trying to usher through the Blundell Park turnstiles last night. At least loads turn up on Fridays though, eh.
Red-Faced Diary here to fill you in on the movers and shakers in today's World Of Grimsby. And let's concentrate on the action on the pitch, rather the inaction in the stands of Blundell Park last night.
There's an interview on Mariners World with the Rodge about last night's dismal display, when the visitors chalked up their first win this season. But the club - the capitalist fiends! - has removed the 'download' feature, thus making MW streaming interviews unwatchable with my st-st-st-stuttering work internet connection. And if an internet site doesn't work properly at your place of employment, just what is the point? Thankfully, the Grimmo Telegraph has bypassed the club's attempts at exclusionist exploitation (or is it exploitational exclusionism?) by going to the lengths of transcribing the managers' thoughts. Hooray! Rodgers explains: "They were better and quicker than us and I don't really have any complaints. Their clinical finishing on the night was the difference. They were lethal. But on the whole I don't think we deserved to win the game." Long-serving Crewe manager Dario Gradi (as he is known by deed poll) was more concerned that his side didn't take the multitude of chances that came their way. Long-suffering Town fan Tony Butcher felt that "Town were never going to score. It was one of those games, and Crewe did well to keep the score down." And with Town's impatient fans getting a bit irate, the manager has moved to assuage them by reiterating the need for more players before the transfer deadline...
...which is handy, as Radio Humberside last night announced that Alan Pouton - God to many, pub player done good to others - is on the verge of re-signing for Town "in a matter of hours". It's been rumbling on for days, verging on weeks, this one, even though the club's OS went to great pains to completely learn how to use a spellchecker in denying last week that such a move would happen. Like a brutal whipping, Pouts's presence should bring some much-needed bite in midfield and urgency to the team, and sooth the savage beast that is the Pontoon. Either way, at least the club's official means of communication has, at last, confirmed that Gary Bushell Gary Boshell Danny Boshell is talking about a move to Town.
To your correspondence, then. David Elsey has been in touch about staying at Blundell Park. "Why not do this instead of moving: 1. Buy all the houses behind the Main Stand as far as Harrington Street; 2. Demolish them; 3. Move changing rooms to John Smiths stand; 4. Demolish Main Stand; 5. Turn pitch through 90 degrees; 6. Demolish Osmond and Pontoon stands and rebuild as longer and larger side stands; 7. Build new stand at Harrington Street end. Pipe dream or possible plan?" I seem to remember such an idea being mooted a couple of years back, but it was dismissed offhandedly for some technical reason or other. Anyone else?
A handy hint for Chairman John and David Burns comes our way from Ben Gray, who has been swotting up at work recently. "I have just returned from a corporate brainwash/training course on negotiation skills. One of the focuses was on achieving a win-win situation. I mention this because in light of the recent statement by Positive John that 'sometimes there are no winners and we just have to get on with it'. I would be happy to pass on the details of the course to both Mr Fenty and Mr Burns. Perhaps a few role plays could help settle this matter?" Would it involve David Burns squealing like a pig? I'd like to hear that on air.
With the warmer weather starting to settle in again, a timely throwaway note arrives from Eve Barnard, who wants it to be known that "we had an Angelo's ice cream van pull up every day just outside the gate of Toll Bar school. He must have been about ten metres away from the gate and therefore breaking zee lower. When I didn't have a fag to smoke whilst walking down the cycle-track back to Waltham, I usually opted for one of Angelo's two-ball screwballs (insert your own pun here!)." Er, pass on any more of your ice cream-related incidents to the usual address. I'm just thinking of Peter Kaye's ice cream man.
And finally, it's Dan Humphrey, a man whose emails are like a constant scratch at the back of your throat: "Tony Butcher must be skating on thin ice by referring to Son Of Futch as Fen Butcher. Hereafter he must be referred to as Bony Tutcher, which sounds WRONG." I'll tell you what's wrong, Dan: getting changed after a knackering game of four-a-side footie between a fan of Scunthorpe United on one side and a Lincoln fan on the other. Goodbye!