Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 11 October 2006

11 October 2006

It's three in the afternoon. My body still thinks it's ten at night, time to go to bed. Jet lag, the wonderful scrambler. Despite dragging myself through the day until 10pm and then hitting the pillow like a felled tree, the latest I am sleeping through the night until is four in the morning. Six hours sleep a night for the best part of the week. Is this how it felt to be Margaret Thatcher? I've just sent some letters at the post office, the lady at the counter asked if I had a credit card. The office radio has been retuned in my absence to "all the best of the 60's and 70's". Reality seems disjointed. Who am I? Where am I? What year is it?

The club's not helping. The front page of the OS has the teaser "Gary Harkins, Gary Croft, Michael Reddy and Peter Bore were at Hereford Technology School to help out with an after schools coaching session." A click on the story finds Ben Higgins has injured himself while playing for the mighty Badgers. Mighty? Oh aye, for they caned Brigg Town's arses by six goals to nil, a result met by excited snuffles in the town of Eastwood.

Today the reserves are playing Darlington's second string at home. Habit demands I make reference to the stiffs extending their winless run. But in this warped existence that hoodoo was apparently broken last week with a thumping 6-1 win, albeit in a friendly against some team representing a self-admitted cheat. The forgettable forgotten Gary Harkins must be looking to forward to continuing that unbeaten run, and some football, after 'dental problems'. Yes. That's what it says on the Grimmo Telegraph website. It could be a typo, but the only feasible options are 'denial' or 'mental'. Hopefully he'll have rediscovered his, heh!, bite.

When people aren't discussing which of Lump's goals on Sunday was the finest, they're chattering about what an impact Tony Thorpe, on loan from top Premiership side Stevenage Borough remember, made. And when the conversation speedily moves on, the debate is "was it a penno or not?" Step forward key witness Andy Butler: "I don't have any complaints about the penalty - I think it was a foul. I have seen the replay afterwards and I didn't get near the ball so fair dos, it was the right decision." Now that's settled, here's the next GCSE PE exam question: "Paul Bolland's display has earned him a place in the Football League team of the week. Discuss."

In news outside of the North-East Lincolnshire area, the BBC site is offering a guide to a revolutionary new football formation. Time for some orientation. Anyone know where I can find my nearest DHARMA Initiative centre?