Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Wednesday 31 January 2007
31 January 2007
As first division big club Tottenham Hotspur continue to rebuild after being dumped out of the League Cup 16 months ago by tiny little fishy Grimsby Town, and explore the possibility of signing Teddy Sheringham for a third time, the Mariners, too, have agreed terms with a footballer who has been on their books twice before. Michael Boulding, who scored 27 goals in 74 appearances during his two previous spells at Blundell Park - and made the scoresheet again in Mansfield's 5-0 thrashing of Torquay last night (which put Town's 4-1 humping at Plainmoor last Friday into even starker perspective) - is not the player in question. Tony Ford, Matt Tees and Tommy Briggs could probably still show most of the current squad a thing or two, but nor are they. And Paul Groves is unavailable. Oh, alright then - it's Matt Bloomer, and the Diary was a bit disappointed when Sort It Slade didn't keep hold of the lad after his loan spell last season, because I thought he played very well. The Grimsby-born Cambridge United defender has joined until the end of this season and his versatility across the back four will doubtless prove useful as Buckley's battlers look to start being any good sometime between now and May.
"Young midfielder Josh Burge has just returned to the club after spending the last week on trial at Aston Villa." All the spelling and punctuation are in order this time, but slipping this into an item about the reserves' game at Doncaster this afternoon seems a somewhat offhanded way for Town's official website to present what is really quite an interesting piece of news, don't you think? Hey ho. Watkiss's battlers kick off at two o'clock this afto, and not included in the squad given by the OS today is former Derby defender Theo Streete, who was included in the squad given by the OS yesterday after apparently having been on trial with the Mariners all week and tempting Lord Buckley to want "a chance to see the player in a match situation". Hey ho.
By the by, doesn't that Keepmoat Stadium thing look like a shining example of everything the Fentydome should try very hard not to be?
Cheerleaders, that's what we need.
Oh, here we go - it says here about Streete. It also says injured Australian Nicky Rizzo isn't injured any more, so he won't be coming back.
What about you lot, then? Got anything to add? Why, yes - the Diary's inbox is bulging with more than two emails! "A possible way to get Town back to winning ways might be to issue new contracts to all the players and pay them the minimum wage," writes Felix Oliver-Tasker. "Every game they win their pay goes up, every game they lose their pay goes down. It's simple, hit them where it hurts: in their pockets. It's called Perfomance Related Pay or Payment by Results. Good wheeze, don't you think?" Indeed, Felix - particularly if the money saved by the club could go towards reimbursing we long-suffering spectators a portion of our squandered ticket money. Isn't a good wheeze what Isaiah Rankin develops whenever he tries to run?
Other Diary readers have been moved to email by the tone and content of what I wrote here earlier this week (sorry about that, by the way - don't know what came over me!). Mark Wilson says: "I am generally a mild-mannered chap who likes to send email to the Diary in the hope that others will manage a smile at my world-weary humour but yesterday you activated my default response to stress, which is to scream. Here goes. Dear Mr Fenty, please open your eyes to the fact that 25 January 2007 was not the most important day in the club's 129-year history. That day is going to be 5 May 2007 because on that day our future might be non-League fucking football and you need to do something about it because the workshy, backboneless bunch of twats we currently describe as a football team are taking us there. The Fentydome will mean absolutely fuck all if we're hosting Crawley or Aldershot in front of 900 fans." But you'll be able to park your car right outside it, instead of leaving it by Sidney Park and having to walk the last five minutes. Where's your sense of priorities, Mark?
Finally today we turn to Sibbo, as the Diary sometimes does in the Rutland Arms when I've just got a fresh pint in and the rest of the CA team have gone to the chippy. "After the sombre mood of yesterday's Diary," he writes, "I felt I must let you know that Dave the Engineer is in need of a few positive vibes. I received a text on Friday: 'I have switched off 4 nil down to a team who have not won since sept. My house is on fire and I want to do something evil to a person from a neighbouring county'. Now Dave is neither an arsonist or a murderer or for that matter a man with a purple face. Perhaps Chairman John should look at some sort of counselling for Town fans who are in a depressed state of mind. I had long ago resigned myself to the fact that third from bottom would do nicely and AB would have us on a promotion push next season. Harsh reality says otherwise. The next positive is 'well look at what Doncaster have done in the last few years'. Just like you Diary, I'll be there next year, along with Dave I suspect, wherever and whatever. I'm Grimsby 'til I die (and so is Dave)."
Now that's the sort of talk we need, eh? Thanks, all - see you tomorrow.