Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 8 February 2007

8 February 2007

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. That's always been the Diary's motto - but Grimsby Town Football Club clearly have some way to go before they can match my standards of slacking, as the Mariners' official website managed only to delay reporting an international call-up and debut for Martin Paterson, rather than to shirk the job entirely. Town's on-loan striking sensation came on as a half-time substitute for Northern Ireland under-21s in their 4-0 home defeat by Wales on Tuesday night and has told the OS that he should be in line for further caps later this year. "The manager told me I'd done well after the game and he would definitely have me back for the European qualifiers in the summer," beams Paterson, who was born in Staffordshire. The story was published by the club at around 5pm yesterday, marking a fall in standards of lethargy from the impressive benchmark set last week, when the official site reported Josh Burge's completed trial with Aston Villa by belatedly and casually slipping it into a preview of Town reserves playing away at Doncaster.

Speaking of the Mariners' youngsters, the Grimsby Telegraph has this season vastly expanded its coverage of the club's under-15, under-14, under-13 etc etc teams. Some of this reporting has found its way on to the local paper's website, and connoisseurs of great footballer names are sure to be following the progress of Town's under-11s with great interest after reading of a 4-0 win over Mansfield with starring roles for Ellis Humble, William Mumby-Croft and Mackenzie De Vries. If the Diary ever finds them in Football Manager, I'm signing the lot.

And speaking of Ireland, Feckenham sounds like the sort of thing you'd expect to be muttered sourly by a native of the Emerald Isle in a bad mood. It is, however, the name of a village in Worcestershire, which has a football club called Feckenham FC. Feckenham FC are managed by Mark Davis. Mark Davis is a friend of Stacy Coldicott. And that's where we come in, for the former Mariners midfielder has come out of retirement - from football, I mean; he's working as a firefighter in Grimsby - to help out his mate, and has just debuted for his new side in a 3-0 defeat at Brocton watched by 35 people. "Stacy was by far the best player," Davis told the local paper. "It was obvious that he has played at a good level." Stace was only playing cos he was visiting his people down that way, mind, so the Yard Dog could still be turning up with his hose pipe next time you burn the toast. Because planning permission to develop their historic village ground to Midland Football Combination Premier Division level has been rejected, Feckenham play their home games down the road in Redditch. This is a strange place where the normal laws of time do not apply, since the Redditch Advertiser reports that Stace played in front of 21,000 fans in a West Brom/Birmingham derby game "nearly 20 years ago to the day" and is now 32 years old.

And speaking of great names, Felix Oliver-Tasker has emailed to reflect on Town's 'Please Support Town' campaign. "All this talk of the 12th Man puts me in mind of Harry Lime," he says. "If one becomes the 12th Man will one have to be chased through the sewers of Grimsby whilst being shot at? The mind boggles." Insert your own Nunsthorpe joke here.