Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 2 February 2007

2 February 2007

Hi guys! Durham Diary here, giving you your Friday health check-up and advising all those with high blood pressure, a weak heart, or anger management issues to stay well away from Boston tomorrow. If any of you need the afternoon off work I will provide a fully validated sick certificate in return for untraceable cash, in true Boston fashion.

First up is the news from the OS that the captain of the sinking ship HMS Grimsby Town tried to jump into a lifeboat and row off to the safety of Belgium this week. Justin Whittle's former Hull boss Warren Joyce is on the coaching staff at Belgian second division (despite what they try to tell you if you look at their official website - clearly some things are the same in football all over the world) outfit Royal Antwerp, and asked Whitts to go there and act as a back-up defender while working on his coaching skills. Understandably his current manager wasn't quite so keen on the idea of weakening the Grimsby defence yet further, and denied Whittle permission to leave. "Of course it was a bit frustrating at first because I was seriously thinking about it as the chance might not come up again," grumbled Justin, leaving this observer at least to wonder what the bloody hell he thought it meant when he signed a contract to play for the Mariners until the end of the season. Royal Antwerp act as Man United's feeder club, if you aren't too frustrated by the attitude of the whole thing to care any more.

This morning I received a message from the administrators of the Durham University email system to say that my inbox had exceeded its memory limit. You might think this would be a helpful and informative message to receive, and you'd probably be right had the message not been delivered by email, thus accentuating the problem. Similarly, bringing Anthony Pulis back into training after his knee injury probably seemed quite a good idea until he pulled his thigh with the first shot of said training session. Long story short: Pulis has returned to Stoke for treatment. And I deleted the massive email containing several large high-resolution photos, allowing a plethora of emails from Cod Almighty contributors to pour in and give me a starting point for the next paragraph.

Former Mariner Nicky Southall has decided conceding free kicks for Drogba to score from really isn't his thing anymore and has 'done a Buckley', returning for a third spell at third division Gillingham. Wince. Southall's former Forest and Grimsby teammate Jack Lester has not moved to Rotherham, as it was suggested he would this week, but Craig Fleming has. Blink. Fleming isn't technically a former Town player but did score one important goal for us while playing for Norwich in the 2000-01 season. Chuckle. Paul Crichton has made a move on loan from Cambridge to Kings Lynn, presumably having become fed up of living in an English collegiate-university city. Cough. And John Oster has signed an extended contract with current club 'we're guaranteed 30 million next year' Reading. Sigh.

And that's all from today's health assessment. My advice is keep fit, exercise regularly and don't drink too much alcohol. But that's just advice to the Grimsby players. To Diary readers I say: try to enjoy your weekend, and remove all sharp objects from the vicinity at 2:50pm tomorrow just to be on the safe side. I'm in deepest Leicestershire working towards a cricket coaching qualification tomorrow, but I'll be in touch with the game via my mobile. And if anyone sees Steve Evans, do ask him to mind his language.