Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Thursday 26 April 2007
26 April 2007
Now that is how you design a new football stadium for a coastal town.
Every year, when Town find themselves in a bit of a pickle, the Grimsby Telegraph can be relied upon to team up with the club for a bit of a rallying cry. Keep the Mariners Afloat... Up the Mariners... Be Town's 12th Man... whether it's a financial crisis, a late-season slump in promotion form caused by the manager's uncertain contractual status, or a desperate shout to get behind the team and stave off the threat of non-League football, the local paper has always been there. This time round, after delivering some substantially bigger and more supportive crowds a couple of months ago when GTFC looked likely to accompany Torquay into next season's Conference, the campaign has sort of tailed off a bit as Town's improved form has lifted the side to fourth division safety. But for the final home game of the season against Lincoln this Saturday the Telegraph is urging fans towards one last magnificent gesture of encouragement for their heroes in black and white: wearing funny hats. And what better advocate for the cause than last week's - heh! - hat-trick hero Danny North? Mind that ink doesn't rub off on your head, Dan.
Do you know what the world's biggest killer is? War? Famine? Aids? No - it's work. Two million people worldwide die every year as a result of workplace accidents or work-related illnesses - three times more than are killed in wars - and Dave the Engineer has emailed the Diary to point out that they are commemorated this Saturday on Workers Memorial Day. "Just a note to those of us who are fortunate enough to attend the match on Saturday. Spare a thought for those who lose their life carrying out their daily toil: 1500 people lost their lives at work in Britain last year, two million worldwide. April 28 is an internationally recognised day of remembrance. Remember the dead and fight for the living is the motto." The Diary couldn't agree more, sir, and thanks for bringing it to our attention. It rather puts in perspective all the health and safety myths we get force-fed by the right-wing media, I think.
John Ide has also emailed the Diary, but opts to tackle the subjects of fizzy drink promotions, football hooliganism and Leanne Battersby. "As to our esteemed chairman/ruler asking us to drink that brown American sweet stuff, and then the crowd control officer asking for no trouble on Saturday, I thought that the sweet fizzy stuff made the knuckle-dragging element even more ready for a dust-up. As for the Corrie 'lady of easy virtue', as one of my old mates used to say, who looks at the mantelpiece when poking the fire?" Well, indeed. When poking the fire one must focus one's attention on the task at hand, so as to avoid sending a hot coal tumbling off towards the hearth rug; but what all that has to do with Corrie, the Diary's innocent mind has no idea.
"Whilst perusing your Diary this evening," writes notorious mathematics undergraduate and my sometime Friday stand-in Durham Diary, "I was reminded of the occasion in freshers' week when the university liaison officer (or something) gave us a talk about crime prevention. 'Always lock your door if you're leaving your room, even if it's just for a few minutes or to go to the toilet or whatever,' said he. 'A lot can happen in two minutes - just ask my wife.'" Again, I'm really not sure what he could have been getting at there. Was he particularly quick in the bathroom of a morning?
Before the Diary leaves you in the hands of Friday's guest GTFC news regurgitator, whomever and whomsoever he or she may be, there's just time, first, to remind you about 'Wear Your Town Shirt at Work' day tomorrow - and second, to point you towards the handiwork of Ben Gresswell, who has responded to the Malaysian football agent who spammed the Diary yesterday and dutifully copied me in. So ace are the CV and covering letter he emailed to Mr Omar Ahmed that I thought they merited inclusion below. Cheers, Ben - and good luck!
-----------------------------
Dear Mr Ahmed
I am writing to you to express my interests'ses in playing the soccer game overseers. I love foot-ball but have been knocked back by the likes of Sir Jimmy of Saville before who promised to make my d-reams cometh true so I is looking to you to fullfill my amberitions. I play soccer from being small boy until now, big man, and I am very above average.
Once upon a time ago I play for Hartford Motors League U16s (large Boys) team Sussex FC who done the double over Discoveries. I also played for Bryants Carpets, Lincoln State County and Grimsby Town FC U15s (medium Boys) not to mention my Schools (South Parade Juniors and Hereford School of Technologically Disadvantaged Indie Kids). Oh and I was sub for TC's club once.
I can play at the defence or at the attack but not so in the middle. In the defence I am like a young Sir Lord Amiral John of Mcdermott who is famous in Grimsby for playing the soccer for Grimsby. Up the front I is like a slow Gary Jones. Sometimes at weekend I is like a Tony Gallimore.
Please find the attached is my currant C of V. I looketh forwarded to hear-ing froms you's.
re-guards
Mr Ben