Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Wednesday 25 April 2007
25 April 2007
Hello, you! GTFC are still yet to give their side of the story that was the 1-0 away win against Sheffield United achieved on Monday night by a youthful reserve side - but the club's official website has somehow found the time to remind us all to consume more sugary carbonated drinks, so that's alright then. The only other new item on the OS is a piece by Humberside Police football intelligence officer Tim Harvey (now where have we heard that name before?) regarding the hope for violence at this weekend's home game against Lincoln, which begins like a best man speech and leaves you with the sort of "oh, so they can be nice as well as scary" feeling you got when the local bobby paid an annual visit to your primary school and did a magic trick or cracked a few cheesy gags. It's all quite well written, as it goes, and the bottom line is that if you know of anyone who may be seeking to express their essential working-class identity by breaking somebody's skull this Saturday then you should either give Timbo a bell on 01472 264725 or ring CrimeStoppers on 0800 555 111. You don't have to give your name, but you can't claim a cash reward.
Oh, Grimsby smells of fish, apparently.
Literally two emails have been pouring in with your appraisals of Monday night's television. "Start spreading the news," writes Sibbo. "Anyone with a CA Macca T-shirt should wear it on Saturday and you never know your luck. You may just get close up to the delectable Rosa from GTTV. It can happen, believe me." Hey, I've heard about this. Was that you, then, Sibbo? We take a soapy turn with Ben Gresswell's email, which declares: "As an exiled Grimbarian living in Manchester (which is very close to Wetherfield), I can tell you that a girl of Leanne Battersby's talents would make a packet selling her wares amongst the likes of myself. Beggars cannot be choosers, dear Diary. Besides, what's wrong with her? She may have questionable parentage and be a tad common but hey, she's old enough and with a bag on her head could easily pass as Kylie. Marks out of ten? I'd give her one (and maybe a fiver for her trouble)." Well, each to their own, Ben. Perhaps the Diary is blinded to the charms of all other Corrie women by my ongoing infatuation with the lovely Violet.
"Dear Sir," writes Mr Omar Ahmed of Kuala Lumpur in an email to the Diary, "Welcome to Omar soccer recruitment agency, we make your dreams come true so long you have the skills and good foot-ball control. Applications are welcomed/invited from players who dream to play professional football or have there football carriers tested overseer's. applicants are invited to submit there details for the up coming season's trails starting in June, applicants whose applications are successful and are approved by this organization will have there applications submitted to various clubs here in Asia and clubs in Europe as well and will be invite for trails. As agents we guaranty you, good signing deals in any club that deems it fit or indicates interest to sign you on a one year contract basis's. For more details and logistics kindly contact the recruitment agency officer on telephone number: 60162845745. Attention: Mr Ahmed. Or better still send an email along side with your current profile C.V." Well, the last time the Diary tried to play football I was body-checked eight feet into the air by a midfielder with the aggression of Bobby Cumming and the build of Cyril Smith, so I'll stick with my comfy seat in the Pontoon - but any readers who fancy their chances can email Mr Ahmed at omar_footballagency@yahoo.com.sg. And copy it to diary@codalmighty.com, of course.