Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 29 February 2008

29 February 2008

Scunthorpe United's chairman has said that the Iron have a 40 per cent better chance of moving to a new stadium than neighbours Grimsby Town. Well, he said that Scunny have a 50-50 chance, which is more or less saying that, isn't it? But then fungi are more closely related to people than carrots, apparently, so who am I to judge?

Any road, your Guest Diarist has been too busy putting the furniture back straight in the family dolls' house to even think about owt else since that earthquake shook Lincolnshire to the core the other night. And no, we don't need counselling; we realise that earthquakes in other countries have consequences that mean those foreigners don't even notice that their pictures have gone a bit wonky and their patio furniture is slightly askew. It's a funny old world isn't it? Expect earthquake emergency packs to be featured in the next crop of gadget catalogues at £29.99 for a torch, a small bottle of water, a radio and a really useful piece of string.

There is a ground-rumbling match report on the superbly new and forever dynamically changing official website (odds of 4/11 on an average of more than three typos in each article available on bet365). No, I mean it. Having read about Town reserves' 3-1 win over the Hully gullies in which Andy Taylor and Nathan Jarman get honourable mentions, but Peter Bore didn't, I felt disappointed not to have been in the Main Stand cheering them on. Jarman apparently had a go at centre-half later on in the match but we are not told how he fared. This is the only substantive omission from a riveting report of an important Town victory in which several first-team squad members got a run out against a Hull team stuffed with famous names and declining reputations.

Martin Butler turned up and played the whole match, possibly following the sound advice he has received from his solicitor. He even scored a tap-in right at the end to prove he was there, fulfilling the necessary contractual duties of a highly paid professional footballer. But, one assumes, his back won't stand a drive up to Lancaster so soon after this exertion. Then again, you never know. On the other hand he may be able to skive some more by citing the precedent of Prince Harry - a professional soldier who is not allowed to ply his trade for long anywhere near a war. Time was when royalty led us into battle. Now young royals are just stuck-up little scaredy cats and Butler needs to show us what he is flipping made of by breaking a sweat for his tired teammates.

As for team news ahead of tomorrow's Groundhog Day game at Morecambe, the air is full of talk of squad rotation, what with Butler pronouncing himself fit again, Jarman playing brightly for the reserves and whatnot. Lord Buckley, though, has declared that his squad is not big enough for wholesale changes and also told interviewer Dale to 'get a life' rather than mutter on like a journo about playing the same team thrice in a week. Buckley observed that Bolland could do with a game but had little else to say on the composition of tomorrow's starting eleven.

AB says he is pretending that the game is at Dagenham tomorrow or some such, and that anyone can win any game in this league. With both teams still vaguely dreaming of inching nearer to the play-offs there is a bit to play for alright. Enjoy the game - see yer.