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Diary - Thursday 7 August 2008

7 August 2008

Town chairman John Fenty (Con) may have done more than anyone to keep the club in existence during its recent financial difficulties but, like many a Tory grandee before him, he can't really boast much of a feel for the mood of the common people. With attendances plunging and optimism at an all-time low even by the extraordinarily miserable standards of Grimsby people, Fenty remains defiantly positive in an interview with today's Grimsby Telegraph. "If ever there was a season where we have a good opportunity to succeed, it's this season," insists the fast-driving Mariners bigwig, citing the disappearance from the fourth division of moneybags clubs such as Peterborough and Bastard Franchise Scum and the huge points deductions meted out to Luton and Rotherham. "We just need the fans to be patient with us," pleads Fenty forlornly, with this Saturday's boo-fest against Rochdale already ringing in his ears. Indeed, some supporters can't even wait until the season begins before they start squealing like spoilt toddlers, with "Marcus, Lincoln" getting his moaning in early by commenting on the Telegraph website: "Skysports [sic] have use [sic] down to just about avoid the relegation dogfight due to the manager's experience. Of course they don't know anything about football do they?" The Diary doesn't buy Fenty's line entirely, but if that's the best logic the crybabies can muster then I think I'll cross the floor and sit with the Tory today.

Further great news for Town fans and Martin Pringle alike. As readers of yesterday's Diary will be aware, shit referee Mark Clattenburg, who condoned the mutilation of Pringle by Dave Challinor in 2002 by awarding Challinor only a yellow card, has been taken to court with alleged debts related to his other job as an electrician. Since we enjoyed that cake 24 hours ago, the FA has put the icing on it by suspending Clattenburg from his refereeing duties - which were to have included this weekend's prestigious Community Shield game at Wembley. "It has been decided he will not officiate any matches pending enquiries into the background to these reports," says a statement from the FA and the refs' organisation Professional Game Match Officials (PGMO). The rationale for the ban, I have to say, pretty much eludes the Diary, but anything that prevents Clats from ruining more football has to be a good thing. "Mark Clattenburg is one of England's leading referees," added a PGMO spokesperson, communicating by email so as to conceal their titanic struggle to keep a straight face.

This will be my final contribution to the Diary before the beginning of the 2008-09 season, but if you come back to Cod Almighty tomorrow you shall have your fill of content with both the gentle wisdom of Guest Diary and the avalanche of actuality that is the CA pre-match factfile. Before I go, there's an email from Al Wilkinson, who has a suggestion for something to buy using the new GTFC Direct fundraising retail portal thingummy. "If the Diary's struggling to remember what to buy on the internet, may I point him in the direction of Madmen?" offers Al. "An excellent show that was on BBC4 recently and now available for a mere £18 online. Fantastic TV and with a name you're not likely to forget in a hurry." And if you do, you can just think of Lennie Lawrence and Bryan Huxford and you'll remember it in no time.

Oh, and don't forget the petition against Thatcher getting a state funeral. Bye!