Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 15 June 2009

15 June 2009

Hello, readers! Did you have a nice weekend in the sun? Let's hope you did, because you wouldn't want the 72 chairmen of Football League clubs to have had all the lovely weather to themselves at their conference which was held in Portugal just because they fancied a little break somewhere nice for very sound football-related reasons indeed as they relaxed with cocktails by the side of the pool as sexy ladies rubbed sweet scented oils on their shoulders discussed very important football matters with the best interests of supporters at heart.

And the shoulders of John Fenty (Con) in particular, it must be said, seem in need of a rest from carrying the weight of the world upon them. "Quite frankly there is nothing much to be said," Fenty told the club's superb new official website as soon as his return flight touched down at Kirmington, only for the chairman to then launch into a 500-word dissertation about Peterborough's increasingly tiresome attempts to sign Ryan Bennett, the league's new rules on tax debt, and some idea called a 'hero fund', which the chairmen were all excited about during their weekend jolly and seems to be some kind of loan which clubs would be able to take out against the anticipated value of their star players (God forbid that the writers of the SNOS should actually do some research and be able to contextualise these kinds of quotes now and again). JF(C) himself, however, comes out very much against the idea, seemingly having missed the obvious wheeze of borrowing some money from the hero fund on the value of Ryan Bennett to pay off the club's tax debt without having to sell him to Peterborough.

Another idea discussed by the chairmen on their working holiday was that of copying the Premier League, not by instituting a tedious plutocracy whereby every competition is won by a tiny, unrepresentative elite of rich clubs - or at least not yet - but by allowing managers to name seven substitutes instead of five, starting next season. The move was proposed by second division Derby County and accepted in a vote, despite objections from third division chairmen that more substitutes would further skew the competitiveness of the league in favour of richer clubs with large squads, and from fourth division chairmen that they couldn't afford the work needed to lengthen their substitutes' benches.

Scarborough Athletic have announced a friendly at home to Grimsby Town on Saturday 18 July. The Grimsby Telegraph has announced that the game may not go ahead because of the Mariners' involvement in that tournament that their kit suppliers are putting on in Devon. Grimsby Town have announced... nothing at all. If you could announce something though, please, Grimsby Town, that'd be nice, as I was hoping to take a short break with Mrs Diary and Baby Diary on the North Yorkshire coast next month and it would be quite nice if we could get along to Scarborough for the football. Cheers.

Finally today, you may remember that the Diary asked last week whether Town fans' "we piss on your fish" chant is meant literally or figuratively. Mat Hare has emailed to say: "I always assumed the chant was meant to mean that we literally urinated on the fish before it was shipped off. I assumed that because Grimsby was the major fishing port and presumably much of the country got their fish from loads (or whatever the technical term is) landed at Grimsby docks. With so many people dependent on us for food, it seems only right that we piss on it to show our sharing, caring nature. After all, if it was meant as a chant of dominance - 'our fish is better than yours' - why is it we piss on your fish, and not our fish pisses on your fish? And who else really had much of a fishing industry to talk of? Who would we aim the chant at?" Good points, Mat, but perhaps it was meant as a chant of dominance in terms of the fish served, rather than landed, in Grimsby, because "the freshness of the seafood on offer in our takeaway food outlets, combined with the culinary expertise of the staff therein, makes for a local fish and chip offering the quality of which far exceeds your own" might not scan too well.