Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 14 September 2009

14 September 2009

Today's turn at Tell The Telegraph We've Not Been The Best Lately But We'll Get Better Now, Honest falls to Adrian Forbes. After a spirited return from injury in Saturday's narrow win over Hereford, the likeable forward spoke to the local paper and said: "Everyone in the dressing room is thinking this win is maybe the boost we needed. But it's now down to us to take advantage, go down to Torquay and give a good account of ourselves. It's a long journey, but we need to do the business and come away with some points. Everyone keeps saying there's enough talent in this team to press up the table and us players need to start showing that's the case." They do, Adrian, they do. Everyone's been saying it since about 2003.

He played for Leeds and they went from Champions League semi-finalists to third division also-rans. He played for Cambridge and they were relegated from the Football League. He played for Grimsby and they endured the worst period of league outcomes in the club's 130-year history. Then he went to Rochdale and watched the club plunge from automatic promotion favourites to abject play-off failure. What, then, did Tom Newey do next? Why, he joined Bury, who were widely regarded as favourites for promotion from the fourth division this season after narrowly missing out last time round. And where are Bury this time round? Why, they are languishing in 20th place, and it gives the Diary absolutely no pleasure at all to point out that the three games Newey has appeared in this season have resulted in a 1-0 home defeat by Cheltenham, a 2-0 home defeat by Accrington, and a 3-0 defeat at (heh) Rochdale. No pleasure at all. Heh.

Finally today, an email reached the Diary's inbox last week from Jody Williams ("formerly of Lovely Louth, now of Loathsome Leeds"), who said: "After reading today's Diary I felt compelled to let you know exactly what the crocked combo of Hegarty, Heywood and Atkinson are doing in their tireless pursuit of fitness: they were strolling around Xscape in Castleford. I saw them all while I was on my lunch break." After a lightning-quick bit of Googling revealed that Xscape in Castleford hosts "the country's biggest real snow slope, two rock climbing walls, an aerial assault course, indoor skateboard park" and "Laserzone", the Diary carried on reading Jody's email, which said: "I presume they had just completed an intensive snowboarding and rock climbing injury recovery programme." Thanks for letting us know, Jody. That's a very generous conclusion indeed, given that Xscape in Castleford also offers "bowling, a multiplex cinema, 17 bars and restaurants and 10 urban retail outlets all under one roof".