Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 11 September 2009

11 September 2009

Regular readers this week might remember that your Guest Diarist has been pathetically teasing you with hints about a cunning plan. But the wind has been artfully removed from my ample sails by none other than Chairman Fenty (Con), who has boiled everything down to two words: don't panic. In an interview with the subscription-only audio sensation Mariners Player, the Chairman has issued his advice in an absolute orgy of stock phrase widescreen frenzy.

Using the phrase "when all's said and done" a fantastic eight times, "the football club" six times and liberally peppering the rest of the five-minute interview with gems like "at the end of the day", "in the building", "results-driven business" and "chins up", Fenty was anxious not to judge (it's a word he doesn't like to use and why bother when you can sound so managerial saying "results-driven business", eh?). The fulmination - no, that's too strong a word - the culmination is that Town have been devastatingly unlucky with injuries over the past few years (Reddy, Cohen, Bolland and now this present crop) and that all we can do is rely on playing teams even crapper than we are. Like, ermm, Hereford. This is based on the fact they draw a lot and haven't won since March.

Meanwhile, Dale has dragged Dave Moore away from an exploratory operation on Akpro's thigh for a pay-to-view interview. Dave is a nice bloke who rattled off the plethora of injuries he is trying to fix - a list so long I can't really be arsed to repeat it. So here are a couple of high/lowlights: Heywood has been very brave about his big foot and is training on it already, as has Linwood with his wrenched limb; Akpro is fit really but is swinging the leg a bit with that thigh (I reckon). Moore told us Forbes, Atkinson, Stockdale, Linwood, Heywood and, wait for it, Peter Bore would all be training Thursday.

It's a good job that Dave Moore resumed his pay-per-view injury round-up as manager Newell's weekly subscription match preview goes wonky after the bit where he tried to take the positives from last week's stuffing and is about to tell us who is in contention to play tomorrow. Still, it's only 40 quid a season for the chance to not hear that news, and you can get the information from the Telegraph for free.

So with everything on the superb new official site subscription only bar the adverts, a cut and paste job of who the ref is, and the betting odds, methinks gentle reader you should turn your attention to the excellent Cod Almighty pre-match factfile. Hereford have a few injuries as well with manager Trewick reporting Dennehy, Godsmark and Jones injured with McQuilkin and Green doubts due to being a bit poorly. Constantine, the sort of crappy striker who will undoubtedly make hay against the likes of Grimsby, remains stubbornly fit, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

The flu panic may have subsided but the panic at the club is that no-one will turn up to watch tomorrow. I have a feeling that this is why Newell has not got any loan cover in - the wage bill is already way too high for the income stream (see how adroitly I slip into Fenty language). And that is why Newell is not being judged after six games like Buckley was judged last season. I like to leave you on a high, folks, so here are our league positions since the turn of the century:

2008-09 22nd
2007-08 16th
2006-07 15th
2005-06 4th (flopped in play offs)
2004-05 18th
2003-04 21st (relegated)
2002-03 24th (relegated)
2001-02 19th
2000-01 18th
1999-00 20th

See - no need to panic at all; life goes on as usual. See yer.