Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 17 May 2010

17 May 2010

Mardy Diary writes: There really is no news today. Well, there's a couple of guess-work type articles about who may or may not go. There's a Mariners World interview with Jean-Louis where he says he might stay or might not - but you suspect he's probably just sorting out a deal elsewhere and he'll be off. But it's not really news because nothing has really happened.

And so it is in these times of no news that we turn to the trusted CA mailbox and print all those emails you've been sending for weeks but we've ignored because we've been a bit lazy.

Phil Watson is the first to comment on the brave new world: "In these days of brave new coalitions, when everything is going to be done completely differently and we're not going to treble unemployment and grind the poor underfoot, honest, who the blazes is Nick Clegg Mike Parker? I think we should be told, and the shameless muckraking indefatigable research of the CA team will surely do the job." Our chief muckraker is on the case as we speak Phil, although he's probably nodded off at his desk again. Dave the Engineer clearly has had the same thoughts though: "I presume Mike Parker is of Lib-Dem persuasion? He could not possibly be a left-wing Trotskyite could he now?" Cuh, failed revolution was so last season, Dave.

Anyone else ever wondered what Dave's engineering specialism is? I'm going with mechanical.

We've had further emails on the ongoing debate about our horrendous trainer-wearing fans - speaking of which, I see Kevin Garside has apologised. Gutless bastard. At least have a bit of conviction in what you write, you twat. See, it's easy to be consistent.

Our friend in the north, Michael Shelton, suggests a more, er, violent solution to combat the violence. "Would just like to add my ballooning weight to the comments about the crowd trouble after the Burton game. I wasn't at the game, but", he starts, sounding suspiciously like a Radio Humberside phone-in caller, "seeing on telly those associated (at least by the rest of the country) with our club acting like complete bell ends was more upsetting to me than my team being relegated from the football league. Now don't get me wrong, I've invaded the pitch towards the end of the season before (beating Fulham to stay up, beating Gazza's Burnley to stay up, more embarrassingly drawing with Brighton to send them down with us), but I've grown out of it. And I've never done anything more violent than jumping on Alan Pouton's shoulders in celebration. We should all be doing everything we can to ensure these thugs embarrass us no more, they are not welcome in our club. Interesting, in this light, that we've already arranged a pre-season friendly with Sheffield Wednesday, another team whose season end was marred by pitch invasions and crowd trouble. Perhaps we could invite Luton over for some sort of round robin, and let the idiots invade the pitch at the end. In fact, sod it, let's give them all pick-axes and let them go at each other. Worst case scenario they all turn into wimps and go home with their tails between their collective legs, best case scenario they all kill each other off, and ruin no more end of season maches.It could work". It'd be like a sort of crap mixture of Ultimate Fighting Champion and Total Wipeout - for fat and bald losers in faded Stone Island jumpers.

Anthony Galvin has written in response to Alan Richardson's email last week. He says: "Whilst I understand Alan's concerns, if genuine fans stop going to games because of a small objectionable minority then the idiots have won. Genuine fans need to go, especially to away games, to be seen and heard. I was first taken to watch town in the 1980s, and on occasion there were some difficult things my dad had to explain (language, actions etc), but I think it was something that benefited me tremendously. It's a sign of defeat if real supporters start wanting their team to finish mid-table." I tend to agree with this Anthony, and is exactly the reason I plan to take my son to matches, once I can get him to sit still for longer than three minutes. The world is full of wankers - best get used to dealing with them from a young age. Reclaim the stands!

More of your letters tomorrow folks, bye for now.