Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 14 May 2010

14 May 2010

Mardy Diary writes: In the close season, every day is a slow news day. When does the close season become pre-season anyway? Is it when the new fixtures come out? Is it on the date of the first pre-season friendly? Is it after the final whistle of the World Cup final? Does it really matter? I suppose not, I should get out more.

Although the Telegraph is fully of 'news' today, there's not a lot of real news in there - just a snippet here and there of information. Woods says he will make use of the youngsters next season. Youngsters being those that have made the step up from youth team to earn professional contracts recently. It is interesting to hear Woods suggest that Bradley Wood is already up to the required level and will definitely be used next season. He certainly seemed to have the physical and footballing qualities when he played last season, before mysteriously disappearing from the first team. According to Woods there were "personal issues" that are now sorted. Along with Wood we should see a few more appearances from the excitable Josh Fuller along with recent graduates Mark Gray, Tom Corner and Nathan Dixon.

They've also run with a strange interview with Paul Linwood. I say strange because it goes the whole interview without really mentioning the fact he's been transfer-listed. Sure, it reports that he has been listed - but they don't ask him his views on it. Instead he tells us why he thinks Grimsby getting relegated is different to Chester getting relegated, before stating that "the [former Chester] chairman, Stephen Vaughan, works really hard there which people don't see". Eh?

Sorry, we'll just pause a minute here while any fans of The Club Formally Known As Chester who happen to be passing through take time to wipe the spit off their computer screen - once they've fetched it back from the garden and boarded over the broken window. Are we back? Right.

He says: "The chairman, Stephen Vaughan, works really hard there which people don't see." Yes. He does actually say that. And if that's his level of football awareness then I don't think he's really cut out for the role of central defender. He goes further though - deep breath people: "He doesn't get the credit he deserves sometimes. He didn't get a lot of luck there. I don't think he made money out of it - he put money in. I spoke to him once and he'd put £4-million in." Yes, Paul - football really is a money merry-go-round isn't it?

Anyway back to Town: the good news is that some of the money that Fenty and Parker are putting in to the club will be used to modernise the training facilities in the hope that we start the season with a bunch of players who aren't knackered after ten minutes. There were times this season when I suspected that certain players were having a fry-up at half-time. Thankfully, Woods feels the same, telling the Telegraph: "to have to talk about the fitness of professional footballers is outrageous". Quite.

Finally, if I were to suggest that all journalists who write for the Daily Telegraph are a bunch of Old-Etonian-posh-boy-daddy-bought-my-education-fafahr-fafahr-used-to-play-cum-on-the-biscuit-with-Cameron-and-Nick-Robinson-fox-raping-racist-Tim-not-nice-but-still-dim-public-school-rogered-webbed-fingered-in-bred-duck-moat-building wankers, you'd rightly accuse me of gross generalisation. They are all Thatcherite pricks though. My name's Ben Elton. Good night.