Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 28 March 2011

28 March 2011

Mardy Diary writes: Does following Town ever make you feel like your life is in some sort of limbo? Of course, we can all pretend that we don't care anymore - but unless you properly walk away, ignore results, stay off messageboards and ignore the reports in the paper then really, you're just fooling yourself. I don't wish to present football as something more important than life or death though, or come across like one of those Coca-Cola football adverts that uses words like 'true' and 'real' and 'passion'. That's laughable. No, I can switch off from Town quite easily, and family will always take precedent over the football - I missed the game this weekend because it was my son's birthday, for example.

But there is this sort of stasis I find myself in when it comes to Town. Life goes on and I get things done, but I'm always waiting for something. It's like there's a piece of something missing, or like one of those films where someone roams the earth as a ghost and can't 'pass on' until a wrong has been righted. Or maybe I'm like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense and I can't move on until I realise that the club is, actually, dead. That would be my only resemblance to Bruce, though.

Giving it more thought, I think it's down to the temporary nature of the club over the last ten years, and the transistory nature of players and managers. I can't settle down. Every six months I'm having to remember new names and what people look like - I'm useless at remembering these things at the best of time. I once forgot my own name for a brief time. So managers change, players come and go, a new approach comes in. And everyone waits with expectation. This time, this is it. It'll all work out right this time and we can start enjoying the football again. You can read the sense of hope on the messageboards now - give the new lads time, they're going to do well for us, they've got a good track-record etc. Fair enough - I'm quite the optimist about this sort of thing. But it's the waiting - again - isn't it? Wait and see and oh no, here we go again.

I'm patient. I'm not expecting instant results. I didn't expect them with Woods or anyone before him. As people are saying again: Rome wasn't built in a day. Unfortunately, it wasn't built in 18 months either. So, I don't mind the waiting for things to improve - I think it's the constant starting again that's driving me mad. I like to see things through to a proper conclusion, to see a job finished - and that just doesn't seem to happen with Town. We go so far along our stable 'platform' and then it's back to the beginning again. This is what drives this feeling of a lack of progress - like building a house of cards but repeatedly starting again as it collapses before you've even finished the foundations. Because Fenty's put his foot through it, probably.

I'd give up on the house of cards though, but I can't with Town because I've invested too much time, money and emotion in the club. I can't just walk away now - I need some sort of closure. I need the club to move on from step one, to progress, to make me feel that I haven't just wasted a large chunk of my life on them. The truth is though - I have. And so, like a gambler who keeps going back hoping for that big win to pay off all their mounting debts, I return to Blundell Park, season ticket in hand, hoping that somehow it'll all be sorted this time.

I'm a fool of course because it's just one humiliation after another with the club. Even with the appointment of the new managers we see more drama from Grimsby Town Fuckup Club. Boston, clearly looking for some sort of compensation, are pursuing legal action against the new management team and the club. Fenty says the club have done nothing wrong, and that may well be true, but the track-record of the club over the last ten years shows one massive arse up after another. I do not feel confident.

We shouldn't begrudge Boston some compensation of course - I doubt given the length left on the managers' contracts that it would be much. But it has disturbed what has been an otherwise excellent season for them and could scupper their chances of promotion to the Conference National. Let's not be churlish about this - if it was us, then we'd expect some sort of monetary recompense. So if Boston have a figure in mind for an out-of-court settlement and it seems reasonable, then let's just pay it. The club has spent plenty of money paying off half-arsed wastrels like Conlon and Sweeney, yet the last time there was a quibble about money involving a manager it didn't end well did it?

What we don't need is a long-winded legal wrangle that continues in to next season, disrupting the club and the management because then we'll be back to the beginning again won't we? Back to the waiting. But I do not feel confident. Do you?