Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 28 October 2011

28 October 2011

"If we reduce prices and get the same sort of attendance as normal, then that doesn't make economical sense and we are not in the business of losing money."

"If somebody could guarantee a crowd of 4,000-5,000 we would gladly reduce it but that is not going to happen and this football club needs to break even at the very minimum."

"We are a team of factory workers, builders and the keeper works in a supermarket - we have the whole spectrum."

"We've got a database of players we are interested in at home. Once we've learned SQL we are gonna have a great time thinking about what we want in the squad."

"Bradley takes it on the chin if you tell him off. If I told him his career was going down the plughole anti-clockwise he'd shrug and work hard on his clockwise game. That's the sort of lad he is."

To save you the trouble of trawling through the incredibly boring round of local media interviews and articles about Town's 'big cup' match tomorrow your Guest Diarist has - rather carelessly, I admit - transcribed the highlight quotes for your consideration, gentle reader.

So what have we gleaned? That the crowd, although buoyed by up to 300 no doubt vociferous away fans, will be painfully thin, in all probability. But season ticket holders - don't forget to use your vouchers! Be your own friend tomorrow and come along for only a tenner. We've heard an official of the club, that nice hirsute Mr Wraith, actually declare that the club needs to break even. A concept that his CEO Mr Fleming had pooh-poohed only a few weeks ago in an all too rare public interview. You are way off message with that one, Steve.

We also seem to have learned that the opposition are not plumbers this time. I read yesterday a quote from Ashington's top scorer, who explained that he works for the FA and only goes to the gym a couple of times a week. But for a decent bit of writing on the opposition let me point you (courtesy of James Williams on that Twitter) to this north-eastern footy blog which will tell you that the opposition have a deliciously named flying left winger called Johnny Godsmark, who is an ex 'Toon reserve, as well as a lot of other credible stuff to prove Grimsby are in for a hell of a tussle on the morrow.

Shorty's subscription interviews just get longer and longer and longer. Don't get me wrong: he's a lovely bloke who couldn't help falling under Shouty's spell. But he can mumble for England these days. He said so much. He said there'll be changes to the first team. He said the first team will be the best team we've got. He said the changes won't be wholesale (no wonder the club is losing 20 grand a week if we are not buying at trade). He told a story about Bradley Wood. I think there should have been a baby in it but he forgot that part because he mused and he pondered about Bradley for what seemed like ages. Bradley is everything he wanted in a son apart from the rashness, the suspect passing and the goldfish mind. I wanted to join in: "He's a yard dog, Shorty, but he's still got that puppy dog tail. And greeting each new opponent with his paws on their shoulder causes some referees to take immediate action. Maybe we need that lady off Dog Borstal in for an afternoon."

And finally Shorty talked IT to us. They are always looking at players: some for now, some for a couple of months' time and some to, well, to aspire to. He says they keep a database of players. I'm not familiar with Football Manager-type PC games but I sort of imagine if you trawl through all those you can sign and sort of keep the ones you like in categories in a sort of 'favourites' bit. Then you could call that a database without having to learn Access or MySQL or summat. But when Shorty talks database that's when the ex-chairman gets really horny. Was he lurking just off camera and that section was just for him? I hope so. See yer.