Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 17 September 2012

17 September 2012

It's another sensationally sunny September morning and your Secret Diarist is staring at the wall, watching butterflies flutter by and listening to Mr Shouty snip through his post-match excusathon. Yes, another Monday morning comes around with sighs and cries as goalless, guileless Grimsby Town FC shuffle on unnoticed towards their final destination with terminal velocity. That's two rubbish films and two rubbish strikers in one rubbish sentence. That's efficiency for you.

The ref was awful, Wood and Pearson G are injured again, Colbeck hit the crossbar twice and the standard penalty claim was ignored. Cook scuffed, Pond muffed and Elding complied with his contractual obligation to miss an open goal in every game or, to copy and paste directly from a source document of historical record, if not note (GT):

"Elding found himself unmarked ten yards out with only Vaughan to beat. But the striker could only swing and miss with the goal at his mercy."

That was Saturday in the sun: the source of Worcester woe for the many. In lieu of a match report, that's all the news that's unfit to print. No-one is happy, particularly Mr Snippy who mildly snapped at our blameless broadcaster Saint John of Tondeur, the mild-mannered janitor of local radio. Don't talk to Shouty about Liam Hearn: he's out of the equation.

Ah sir, but just what is that equation? Elding+Cook=0. (Artus + Colbeck)/Soares - Hearn = 11th. The square of the root of the vegetable is the cause of the inverse of what we want in our universe. No, no, no, it's simple: arrogance = success.

They are looking to borrow a striker, but no-one wants to drop down for this Conference pair. Money, ego, status and other entirely logical reasons were cited. Let's not yet dwell on Shouty's pre-season boast that Town won't have any problems scoring goals this season with five top strikers to choose from. Not just yet.

Let's get a sense of perspective in this cruel world; Town are simply not scoring, but not losing. The season has only just begun. It's only football, it is not as though an old shop sign that's been in a basement for 29 years might get thrown away. What of our history?

What a nice day. What a lovely wall. Is that a glanville fritillary I see before me?