Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 13 May 2013

13 May 2013

Well, at least my new boss will be happy. Yes, your not-so-special Bonus Diary is looking on the bright side of life in the echoing chasm that bookends Town disappointments.

They won't be chortling in Chorlton but will be doing wheelies in Wigan. In the traditional end-of-the-pier finale, Hollywood bigshots the Abu Dabby Doodlers flunked and flounced in the teatime shuffle, so let's be happy for fellow little clubbers, the derided untermensch of glitterball society. Remember what Craig Shakespeare said when he curled in a 25-yard cracker at Maine Road: "Jealousy doth like a green bug-eyed flagsnapper gnaw at your innards." Envy at others is simply calling the pot tin. But when it comes to 'Ull, don't get envy: get even.

Elsewhere on Planet Nutball the post-season, pre-pre-season season of speculation and simulation cranks up to level one and a bit. He wore no shoeshine, he played toe-jam football and temporary Tom Naylor has been released by Derby County. One and one and one is free, so some see Naylor and Town come together.

I must find out whether my new boss took up my suggestion to rollerskate her broken-toed daughter down Wembley Way. Was that healthy and safe, or had I gone mad? Sorry, got bored with non-news and drifted off into a reverie. Perhaps a skateboard would have been a more 21st-century modern girl way to sashay into the cup final. It really is time someone invented hoverboots for all; it'd certainly cut down on the wear and tear on Hadrian's Wall and other sites of antiquity.

Speaking of antiquities, George Kerr's pie and nostalgiafest this Friday evening still has tickets available, with a very special guest, live and exclusive, all the way from Memphis or somewhere over there in that America of theirs. Mighty Joe Waters, the pint-sized Pontoon pin-up, will be joining a full supporting cast in the McMenemy players' affectionate new version of The Madness of George Kerr. Younger readers get googling: it's a really big deal to any Townite over 40. It's unlikely to be dull, what with Wee Georgie's reinvention as Radio Humbs' resident surrealist sidekick.

It's next season already and Town's playing success just keeps on rolling on! They've reached the quarter-finals of the Lincolnshire Cup! Again! When we beat plucky Scunny on 20 July, only Lincoln will stop us marching into yet another final, against Boston or Gainsborough. Fixture congestion! It's another FAW conspiracy fixing things for Wrexham! It's best to get your paranoia in early, for that's a dish best served with mould, or perhaps served in Mold.

It's raining outside and it's raining men. Halleluiah, Scott Neilson returns and it's humble pie all round.