Cod Almighty | Article
by Alistair Wilkinson
1 August 2006
Darlington? Who might they be?
They're the Quakers and they've been around forever. Formed in 1883, they were founder members of the Northern League in 1889 and turned professional in 1908. Here's a couple of interesting firsts: their first FA Cup tie resulted in an 8-0 defeat to... us! Hurrah! (We could beat them before Sam Russell.) They were the first to play an FA Cup tie under floodlights in a 1955 replay at St James' Park against Carlisle; they won 3-1.
Apart from the occasional dalliance with the other tiers, they've stayed down here in the basement, winning awards for their portrayal of the role of the illegitimate back-stairs sprog to the North-East Royalty.
In more recent times, Darlington have been known for the activities of one man, George Reynolds. He arrived in 1999, paid off the club's £5m debt and built a new ground. He was a larger-than-life character who dominated the club for the next four years. Fans are now divided as to whether his tenure was a good or bad thing but they are clear of significant debt and their three-year-old stadium has already had three different names; it's never boring in Darlington.
Last season
New ground, no debt, half-decent squad, superhuman keeper… why are Darlington still the subject of a Cod Almighty Rough Guide? Answer: they can't score goals. They didn't let too many in but up front they dithered, withered and kicked out Wijnhard for disciplinary problems.
They had a slim chance of slipping into the play-offs on the final day butLincoln made sure that their dismal draw with Wrexham was academic. Popular opinion holds that their season had finished two weeks earlier, when they failed to beat struggling Bury, leaving themselves the proverbial mountain to climb.
False hope had a habit of dawning: in April they managed three wins, thrusting themselves right into the clichéd play-off mixer, but then a three-point drought in the last five games meant that night would still reign over the TFM Darlington Arena.
Anticipate with relish
Our one great performance of the season, the one game where the players will seem to have a telepathic link and the football will delight and take flight. Blundell Park will hum and thrum as the players stun. We'll swim like salmon...
Anticipate with dread
...and score like gammon.
Sam Russell and shameful envy.
The way forward
With their off-field problems behind them, Darlington's 'way forward' is with its players (wouldn't football be so much simpler if that were everyone's primary concern?). So, who have they got? There's a keeper, somebody Russell? Blundell Bane? Forget about him, have the nightmares later in the season. The Quakers appear to have a rather lovely blend of youth and experience right through the healthy-looking squad.
In defence there's Darren Holloway. We've heard of him. Wimbledon once paid £1.5m for his services. He plays mentor to Patrick Collins, who is just 21 but has already amassed bags of games with Sheffield Wednesday andSwindon. In the middle Phil 'Pigsy' Stamp, of Middlesbrough and Hearts fame, is captained by the 'battling' 23-year-old Clark Keltie.
Manager David Hodgson, conscious of their goal shortage, has gone crazy-ape-bonkers with his chairman's cheque book and signed Gaetano Giallanza. He's 32 but he's scored goals for FC Basil, Nantes, Bolton and Norwich. It doesn't stop there: Martin Smith arrived via Huddersfield and Sheffield United; Simon Johnson is just 23 but Leeds, Sunderland and Hull have all seen something in him (couldn't quite find it, obviously) and Barry Conlon, in his prime at 28, slammed in a hat-trick on the first day in Darlington's thrashing of Macclesfield.
I'm gonna stick my neck out and say that Darlington are finally on the way up. The current squad should push that sun up and over the horizon, and they have the facilities in place to host the success. If I sound a little jealous, I think I am.