Cod Almighty | Diary

How much is that Doigy in the window?

2 August 2013

Miss Guest Diary writes: An amusing way to idle away some time during the close season is to browse the teletext pages listing summer signings, looking for players with great names. So I was a little miffed to read that, according to Shorty, yesterday's signing of Chris Doig "will be it for new signings". Gone are our chances of signing someone with a name as cool as Fabien Brandy or Virgil van Dijk, two of my favourites from recent transfers.

And another thing: it seems to me that at least half of the squad now consists of players of medium height and build with short, dark hair. From a distance, or in the grainy footage on Mariners Player, Andi Thanoj and Patrick McLaughlin are virtually identical. This has already caused a heated exchange in my household when watching the North Ferriby highlights. When play is up at the Osmond End in the dark winter afternoons to come, what chance is there of distinguishing Kerr from Neilson or Hannah from Rodman?

But these small – and, let's face it, totally irrelevant – quibbles aside, Town's management duo seem to have assembled a well-balanced squad to start the new season. Barring too many injuries and suspensions, there should be no need to destabilise the squad by bringing in loan players, which I felt was the cause of the dip in form last spring. My major gripe at the end of last season was the release of Ian Miller and Bradley Wood but, from what I have seen so far, their replacements are more than adequate.

The only new signing I haven't yet seen is Clayton McDonald. I would have popped up to Gainsborough for the match tonight but I will be in Sheffield at a wedding celebration. And there's no guarantee he'll be playing anyway, given that there is also a game against Grantham Town tomorrow and the management have stated that they will be fielding two different teams. The Gainsborough match kicks off at 7:30pm and entrance is £8 for adults. Curiously, the match on Saturday at the South Kesteven Stadium starts at noon and costs £10. Hmm, that seems a bit steep for a team who are a step below Gainsborough on the non-League pyramid.

Oh, and that wedding I mentioned is of Cod Almighty's own Mardy Diary. Yes, someone is actually willing to enter into a legally binding union with the scourge of the Pontoon, a man with the best vocabulary of insults I've ever heard, who delights in haranguing the ball boys. This is either a testament to the resilience of the human spirit or evidence of the shortage of eligible bachelors in South Yorkshire. No matter, when you kick back tonight with a refreshing beverage after a hard week's toil, I urge you to raise a glass to Mardy and the new Mrs Mardy and wish them happiness. Cheers.