Cod Almighty | Diary

The ostentatious toes of Lenell John-Lewis

5 August 2013

So Malcolm Tucker beat Mardy Diary to the big gig not on Sky; the world of ball boys will be quivering. 

My name is Extra Strong Mint Diary and I’m not a shopaholic. Did you spend Saturday lunchtime staring at Lenell John-Lewis’s big toe, rather than some big towels in John Lewis? Remember, the countdown to ecstasy is down to five days. All the fine-tuning and secret-squirreling is over, with the GTFC v GTFC v GTFC face-off as the large twinkling fairy on the pre-season Christmas tree. Nothing can go wrong now. 

Ah. 

He's slammin'. And to think that slammin’ was a thing of the past. The Shouty one is so displeased he’s resorting to public understatement and irony. He’ll be saying gosh and mumbling something about being 'rather shy actually' next.

Let’s put a more positive spin on the weekend’s non-events than a fracking government minister. GTFC warmed up for the new season in the best way possible by beating a team two leagues higher. Well done Town. Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh and soak it in the sun and make the Mariners into a groovy lemon pie? The Gingerbreadmen can.

If the Friday XI played themselves out of the first team, the Saturday Strollers played them back in.  Up in the stand the Friday Failures straddled seats and fiddled with phones. The mood of the magnificent seven slumberers brightened with every punt, poke and puny piffle by the Lunchtime Lollopers.  Everything was far from delicious in the Gingerbread house.

A-ha, a first glimpse of the giant peach: McDonald. Typically topically Town have a centre-back made from the stem cells of the long-dead ghosts of our past, for Burgerboy had the turn of speed and perception of Tony Crane.

Oh, and Alfreton have continued to pilfer Town’s past. Nick Fenton has booked into the retirement home of the those we have loved and loathed. Whither Tom Newey? He often did.

The narrative or arc of yer average Diary is to bring the mood down, down, down and then, right at the very end, lift you to a plateau of comic contentment. So here’s a link to a colour photograph and accompanying simpering article of varying standards of articulation. Is this the non-leaguiest kit in non-League? Never ask a question unless you know the answer. Yes!

See. I’m being positive, John.