Cod Almighty | Diary

Relegated with Havelock

15 August 2013

There are particular rituals that must be observed here at Cod Almighty. We're not the Freemasons – as you may have spotted – but if certain arcane procedures are not followed regularly, we expect fire and brimstone to rain down upon the Earth, cats and dogs living together, the whole caboodle. The most essential aspect of match preparation for Messrs Mardy Diary and your original/regular Diary (hello!) is the sourcing of chips from Sue's chippy on the Grimsby Road. At some point during the season Mr Tony Butcher is obliged to quote from 'Eton Rifles' by The Jam in one of his match reports. And for the first home game of the season one of us always has to say: "The pitch is looking nice!"

OK, so you probably have to be there. But the pitch always is looking nice. It has been for years. While Town have turned up at the dungheap-like playing surfaces of, say, Rochdale or Gateshead – and more often than not been turned away as the match is postponed – the grass at Blundell Park has been rivalled only by Fairy Liquid hands for its softness and smoothness. While the form of the Mariners' first XI has fluctuated wildly over the past three years or so, we have at least enjoyed the perfect consistency of the pitch.

The person responsible for this is, of course, Mike Phillips, who has added another 'groundsman of the year' award to those he would scoop with awesome regularity back in the Mariners' Football League days. Well done, Mike. The Diary probably speaks for all Town fans – hey, there's a first time for everything – when I say we appreciate your work very much indeed. Town fans haven't had much to cheer about over the past ten years, but at least we've been able to do our moaning next to the most beautifully maintained playing surface imaginable.

In other news today, a football manager says a team that his team failed to beat were actually very good. And some middle-aged men in suits in an office somewhere have shaken hands, which seems to mean you can now watch two or three Town matches a season on TV if you've got Virgin Telly, and it'll cost you £180. Virgin's press release unfortunately fails to mention whether or not GTFC fans who live outside the area are subject to an additional 50p exile tax.