Cod Almighty | Diary
Why don't you just fade away?
22 August 2013
"Judge them in a couple of weeks' time when we've played Alfreton and Nuneaton at home, and Hyde away in between – not after three matches." As rallying cries go, Steve Wraith's is far from the most inspiring. Shorty and Shouty presumably being unavailable, it's Town's accounts manager, rather oddly, who has taken to the media today – begging the GTFC 'faithful' to pronounce their final judgement upon the team just six games in to a 46-match season.
This reminds your original/regular Diary very much of whatever it was Shorty or Shouty said (I can't remember, probably Shouty) a while back about judging their team after ten games of the season. And then after ten games of the season, their team still looked rubbish. But we didn't say anything. We just sort of quietly moved on before Shouty could headbutt us.
If you don't know me by now, know simply that I believe the idea of a league table to be largely meaningless before, say, Hallowe'en. It's just a good job Wraith (or indeed Shouty) wasn't working for, say, Kidderminster last season.
Are people even moaning anyway? Any more than usual, I mean?
If you fancy a moan – and let's face it, we're from Grimsby: why wouldn't you? – then there's little point carping moderately about a fair-to-middling playing squad when you could be enjoying a full-blown tirade against the way the entire club is run.
Huh? Well, in other rather depressing news today, our local ten-bob shower of a football club has a new sponsor. And what is the new sponsor? Why, the new sponsor is a local ten-bob shower of a 'weekly payment retailer'. Easy Buy – which has a logo as appallingly designed as everything else in Grimsby – is one of those shops where you can pay for white goods and games consoles in instalments, at a very reasonable APR of just OMGWTF per cent – basically, a sort of hybrid of Currys and Wonga.
Fittingly, the promotional copy provided for the company on Town's newly superb new official website is as shocking as its logo. Easy Buy has "a vision to allow it's customers to pay flexibly". The range includes "3D TV's, laptops smart phones". There are no "Credit Checks" or "Hidden Extras". An assistant will help you "find what your looking for". And seriously, GTFC, look – you've made a web page where the words "online catalogue" don't actually link to an online catalogue. There's no fucking wonder we're non-League.
It's as delightful a match as Piers Morgan and Alan Sugar. Grimsby Town Football Club and Easy Buy. A couple that deserve each other.
Let's try and go out on a high, shall we? FORMER Mariner and notorious Boston heterosexual Straight Peter Bore has scored a corker for Boston-based team Boston United. Watch it here from four minutes in, and then go and find something pleasant to do with your life which doesn't involve football.