Cod Almighty | Diary

Let's do something crazy

8 August 2014

No-one remembers pre-season. Forget everything since the anti-climax of defeat at Gateshead in May. Tomorrow, it all starts again.

Let's mark your card with the practicalities. Yesterday, it was reported that Nathan Arnold and Jon-Paul Pittman were out injured for the trip to Bristol Rovers, and today Ross Hannah is also reported to have left training with strapping on his calf. Middle-Aged Diary is in a mood for making predictions, so here is one: Lenell John-Lewis will start tomorrow.

For those of you going to the match, Town fan and Bristol resident Matt Pakes (he lives 30 seconds from the entrance to the Memorial Ground) has some advice. Avoid parking at the ground and get there early if you can't bear a 10-15 minute walk. Matt suggests Muller Road for parking. As he says this is the longest road in Bristol without a pub on it, it should be ideal for anyone tempted to drink and drive.

For pubs, Matt's favourite is the Wellington, which has a good selection of Bath Ales and he also recommends the Inn on the Green for its chips, beer, cider and personable bar staff. Avoid the Gloucester Arms (renamed the Old Duke, Matt thinks), a home fans-only place where you may get a "good old kicking". If you are staying longer, the places to try are Gloucester Road - you are likely to find Matt in the Pipe and Slippers ("dirty, so I love it") - or the more upmarket Clifton Village.

Right, I said I was in the mood for predictions, so here goes. At some point this season the Mariners will put together an unbeaten run leading to comparisons between this team and the Town team of the early 1990s. At some point, Grimsby will put in a performance that is described as "the worst I have seen in 20 / 30 / 40 / 100 years of following the Mariners".

There will be at least one match in which Grimsby are denied one, two or even three points as a result of a questionable refereeing decision. There will also be at least one match in which Town gain one, two or even three points as a result of a questionable refereeing decision. However, that one will not lead to the entire league being condemned as #tinpot.

What we are about to start is halfway between a journey and a ride. No one ever got off a ghost train and said it was rubbish because they ended up back at the place where they began. Promotion would be great and by May it will be 35 years since Town last won the league they were in, so a championship would be marvellous. But it will be great because it will mean we've had some good times along the way. If you remember the fourth division as paradise, I'm not sure whether to envy or pity you.

One more prediction. We will be irrational. Go with it, but at the back of your mind, while you are comparing Scott Neilson to Gareth Bale, or Paul Hurst to Coco the clown, or the referee to Mr Magoo, laugh at yourself. When a team which has brought more players and officials than fans claims a 1-0 win with their only shot on goal, put yourself in their shoes. Remember the time we did it to Everton. It's football. It's fun. If you don't facking like it, don't facking come.