Cod Almighty | Diary

Maths, physics and bionics

22 August 2014

Hi everyone, it's me, you know… I've been through the desert on a horse with… you know! Diary With No Name. OK, forget that one then. This comedy lark is hard. I'll never get a Ladbrokes ad at this rate.

Anyway, enough of that. You want to know all about those Mighty mariners in their, errrrr, footballing? Errr… machines. Well, on local radio – OK, Radio Humberside: it's not local for everyone, including me – our erstwhile manager handed the job of telling us not much over to Reservoir Doig. Neilson is available again. Everybody else is still at least a week away from being fit. But hey, Scotty boy gives us another attacking option on the proviso that he's picked, according to our very own Deputy Doig (I'm sorry but I had to… hello Ladbrokes! Yes, of course I will).

An attacking option would be an adventurous move at this stage of the season for the former short one. Will being back at the International Stadium prove too much for Scott? The memories of that ghost tackle and the crowd being swelled by maybe a dozen Newcastle and Sunderland season ticket holders, in the Heed's version of Kid for a Quid, known locally as Geordie/Mackem for a Tenner.

Meanwhile, the news from the SNOS is, well, it's non-existent really, and the Telegraph says that Scott Neilson is back. Really? It is also reporting that former Town and Heed striker Jack Lester thinks Town can recover from an average start and go on to achieve greatness, just as the side of 1998 did in, ummmm, '98.

So really nothing much is happening despite the fact that we've got two matches in three days. Doigy also says we'll get around the left-back situation with what we've got and not get anyone in on loan. This will be the first time this season that any of what we've got will have got round a left-back.

Nothing much to report from the world of social media. Apparently famous people are nominating other famous people to have a big bucket of cold water chucked over them. But it's all for charidee and the liddle chillun', so we shouldn't take the piss. The Fishy could maybe do with a cold bucket of water chucking on it as the Hurst Out Group – or HOG, as it will be known; TMFKASOG was rejected because some of the regulars found it too hard to spell – is up and running and melting down a website near you.

Well, that's it, and I haven't criticised useless lump LJL once... oh FFS. See ya and UTM.