Cod Almighty | Diary

We're just like two peas in a pot

8 January 2015

The Grimsby Telegraph is reporting that a 'mystery backer' recently offered to pay the wages of the former Sheffield United striker Ched Evans in the event that he sign for Grimsby Town. Now that the club has ruled out an approach to Evans, your original/regular Diary looks forward to the mystery backer funding the acquisition of an alternative transfer target. Unless, of course, the backer is only prepared to help Town sign rapists. But what sort of person would take a stand like that?

In other news, the Columbia Pictures marketing department is vigorously congratulating itself after local people kindly agreed to its request for free publicity work on a forthcoming film. Veteran MP Austin Mitchell and football mascot Mighty Mariner are among the figures who have performed the script handed to them by Columbia almost to the letter. "The fictional, made-up and non-representative story told by this film isn't exactly the same as real life!" commented pretty much everyone involved, adding: "Look, someone's made a film called Grimsby. Look! You'll probably go and watch it now, won't you!"

And lastly today, I am charmed to observe that Accrington Stanley have sold 250 tickets for a game of football that didn't happen. The perennial Lancashire underdogs missed out on an FA Cup tie against neighbouring Manchester United by losing to Yeovil in the second round – but printed a run of special-edition tickets to raise funds for the club.

Town fans' imaginations will naturally be set racing by this news. Which imaginary fixtures should GTFC print tickets for? The 1939 FA Cup final against Portsmouth, which Town would have played in had Wolves not nobbled our keeper George Moulson early in the game? The alternative reality 2006 fourth division play-off final in which Russell Slade had already signed a new contract and his team actually turned up? Over to you, readers – over to you…