Cod Almighty | Diary

Prematurely purchased pyjamas

19 January 2015

Barnet. Is that all? Watch out, we're breathing down your ankles now.

Hello, hello, hello, I don't know why your Deviant Diary said goodbye to promotion after the implosion. Let's say go-go-go to the next phase of the long march to an April shower. Barnet, Brizzle and Town: the same peas in a rather poor pod of tight-fitting shape-keepers. So, truly, actually, everyone is mediocre: we just need to be the least worst of a bad bunch. What more could we want from Blundell Park life? It's got nothing to do with Vorsprung durch Technik, you know. It's about joggers who go round and round and round.

What a catalyst Saturday may turn out to be. The occasionally busy Bees were pretty average in pink as Hurst's Heroes did what they have done all season to a succession of surprisingly mundane 'top' teams. Wake up and smell the coffee, Marty. The Grimsby Grinder was set to full speed. Carl Maccanay™ was Magnayficent™ and the non-League Andy Carroll was rampant. Oh Ollie, you made Barnet look such a fool.

Wave that free flag, bang a gong, get it on: everyone is happy again. Mr Happy is happy in his own way, but not quite as happy as Pittman was at half time. See Jon-Paul Pittman jive. What a waving wizard.

There's no cod-eulogy of the renaissance as Mr Tony Butcher failed a fitness test. He is expected to be fit for next Saturday's game at Nuneaton/Gateshead/Wrexham. Oh hang on, early breaking news: Mr TB won't go to Wrexham again this season. Once is enough for any sane man. To which game will he and you and all those blokes who boo not go all hangs on tonight.

So tonight, tonight it all resumes tonight on a laser-levelled javelin field by the Tyne. The local weather forecast predicts it'll reach freezing point after half-time, just before the connecting wall round starts on Only Connect, and there's a pitch inspection just before noon. Keep a close eye on things. We don't want you to have another fruitless Geordie journey, totting up those Tyneside travelling travails. Oh, it's on.

Finally, a public safety announcement. Watch out! Beware! According to Lincolnshire police there has been a rapid rise in thefts of "insecure bicycles". Perhaps if they had more confidence they wouldn't be stolen. They need counselling, not chains.