Cod Almighty | Diary

Ampersand Beethoven

25 January 2016

Oooh look, we're in the National Premier League now.

There are a couple of things about Forest Green Rovers that your original/regular Diary really enjoys. One is the way they effortlessly and gloriously troll climate change-denying petrolhead Clarksonettes who take the development of green energy as some sort of affront to their fragile masculinity. Another is the way they effortlessly and gloriously troll militant carnivores who appear to believe their human rights are being violated if a moment passes without rivulets of grease and animal blood dribbling down their chin, and who enjoy eating meat essentially because they feel threatened by chickens' and cows' intelligence.

I suppose there's also the way Forest Green supporters are sometimes inclined to complain about the intolerable noise caused by visiting fans who engage in shouting and singing. Some might see this as a ludicrously prissy and middle-class response to what has been perfectly regular behaviour at football grounds for at least 140 years, and symptomatic of the sort of nouveau-fan cultural ignorance you might expect at a club in an affluent rural community that's been artificially hauled several tiers above its natural level by the distorting influence of a wealthy investor. And all of that might be true. But it just makes me chuckle, really. Come on. It's kind of cute.

What puzzles me about Forest Green Rovers today, though, is why they have issued just 700 away tickets for their forthcoming home game against Grimsby Town. True, the game has been switched to a Friday night to be televised by BT Sport, making an already long journey impossible for many Mariners supporters. But this is the travelling fanbase that numbered 1,700-odd at Kidderminster on the opening day of the season, and Forest Green v Grimsby is a potentially influential fixture in the Conference title race. Are our wealthy hosts writing off £££s in gate receipts because they don't want their paltry home support outnumbered by a vociferous black and white army urging the Mariners on to claim all six points, and making quite a lot of noise?

We could just be paranoid, of course. FGR might not fully understand that we are officially the Best Supporters in The World or something. Let's face it, nobody really does understand that outside of Grimsby, for some reason. So they might not expect many of us to go. And as soon as we snap up all 700 within an hour, maybe they'll just put some more on sale.

What do you mean, pot/kettle? Town have been artificially hauled several tiers below their natural level by the distorting influence of a wealthy investor.

Meanwhile three dead sperm whales have been washed up on Skegness beach, which marks something of a departure because in previous transfer windows a number of large, immobile, washed-up mammals have appeared further up the coast at Cleethorpes. This time, however, Paul Hurst looks certain to bring in players who will improve the squad. In fact, I'm pretty certain he's said as much from time to time. Indeed, we finally beat Altrincham, and in case you hadn't heard, yes, Jon Nolan does look very tasty on the ball.

Long and short of it: Hurst is going to sign a full-back this week because Gregor Robertson and Danny East are broken. He'll find another Big Unit from somewhere to add depth up front. And he'll add a winger if he can offload poor Jack Mackreth (I hear the Coulson thing is not dead).

He'll also try and send out Harry Clifton and the excellent Josh Venney on loan – which will be fine, as long as it's not the sort of loan that is merely a prelude to a release on a free transfer. Another Dayle Southwell scenario will leave many observers wondering why Town even have a youth team. If GTFC are going to keep bringing these players through only to release them regardless of whether they're any good, what's the point? And if Boston United end up reaping the benefits, why do I keep paying the 50p admin fee/exile tax/youth team levy/admin fee/youth team levy/admin fee every time I order a ticket on the internet?

Let's stay with the younglings to play out today's diary, as Town's newly superb new official website brings breathless news of their weekend meeting with Plucky Scunny. Clifton scored one and Max Wright two in a 3-3 draw intriguingly described by our club's primary official communication channel as "a right old dong-dong battle". If you feel like going along to applaud the future, the NSNOS has links to buy tickets for the youth team's remaining nine fixtures this season, but don't click on any of them, because they do not lead to a destination where you can buy tickets for any youth team fixtures at all. UTM!!