Cod Almighty | Diary

Quite simply, Grimsby

11 February 2016

Devon Diary writes: While watching the telly a couple of nights ago I caught the latest trailer for Sacha Baron Cohen's new film Grimsby. Baron Cohen checked out other northern towns as inspiration for his movie, including both Hull and Scunthorpe, before settling on Grimsby. A couple of years back he attended a match at Blundell Park as well as taking a walk down Freeman Street on a visit to the docks, where the locals declared him down-to-earth and polite. 

Since then, though, a decision was taken to move filming to the Essex port of Tilbury, where sets were decorated to reflect 1980s Grimsby, a "graffiti-ridden, litter-strewn ghetto populated by drunken louts urinating from windows", according to our own Telegraph and the mainstream press.

But the title remains and it's clear why: as so many lazy reporters are quick to report, it's Grim up north. In the States the movie will be titled The Brothers Grimsby and there's nothing too subtle about that, is there? God only knows what would have happened if they'd chosen Hull (hell?) or Scunthorpe (C… I think you can get the drift).

The inhabitants of the fictional Grimsby appear to be exclusively overweight, sportswear-wearing, unemployed drunks roaming dirty, littered streets – and barring the lazy, quasi-Mancs accents, this portrayal is much the same as that which the producers of the Channel 4 'poverty porn' documentary Skint achieved a couple of years back.

The portrayal of our home on TV and now in the cinema is never good. Only last year the final episode of Shane Meadows' This is England 90 used the town's docks and glorious Tower as nothing more than a 'grim' backdrop for the murder (albeit off-screen) of the character Combo.

But why Grimsby? Is it simply a easy target? Like many northern towns we have our problems – almost all rooted in the loss of our traditional industries. Fishing, steel, mining and manufacturing have been lost across the whole country, but the north has struggled to replace them, and successive governments have written off huge swathes of the country, with Grimsby especially suffering from a lack of investment.

Our remoteness works against us in so many ways. Are we even noticed by Westminster? Did the much-lauded Northern Powerhouse include us or was it political shorthand for Manchester, Leeds and Sheffield? Cynical references to a "northern poorhouse" now seem sadly prophetic, as the Department for Business, Innovation and Skills recently announced it was to close its Sheffield office and move 240+ jobs in its Northern Powerhouse department to London.

Our geography is often referred to by the club when explaining the difficulties of attracting players to the town. While we know that houses are relatively cheap – and that for every slightly run-down street one might see on Skint, there are equally upmarket areas and features in and around Grimsby and Cleethorpes – but how can we sell it to potential signings?

For all of Paul Hurst and John Fenty's efforts in selling the town to players, the images presented in Skint, This is England and Baron Cohen's movie must surely weigh against us and our chances of luring in players, especially on short contracts and loans.

The rug was pulled from under Grimsby years ago, and cuts to public services by the current government have only accentuated it. But despite the apparent lack of interest from politicians, the town is at the forefront of green energy initiatives and is gaining national recognition for this.

But does this make much difference? Will players look at north-east Lincs as a place to move to because it's really windy? The key deciding factors as to whether a player moves to Grimsby will include the value and length of contract and geography, obviously, but our green credentials? Probably not.

Will the Grimsby movie, Skint and other programmes affect a player's decision? Not as much as the aforementioned, base-of-the-Maslow triangle factors. But I believe that a town's image must play some part. So we must do everything we can do to downplay the negatives.

The same geography that makes us unattractive should make us proud. The years of decline and lack of government investment should instil a sense of solidarity and a sense of togetherness – which Operation Promotion captured, to some extent.

Fortress Blundell Park? Think of it as Fortress Grimsby. Let's pull together and get behind the town, not just the team. Let's support Paul Hurst and the players but let's support Grimsby the town, and not just Grimsby Town. Refuse to accept this stereotyping of our town, our accent or our social setting. Refuse to accept this labelling of our town as financially, socially and culturally lacking. Don't allow another Skint documentary without protest and don't be tempted to see this shitty, lazy movie.

I'm sorry, Sacha Baron Cohen, but while Borat and Ali G satirised stereotypes and highlighted bigotry, your latest offering is lazy and frankly offensive. You can do better than that, sir, and I think you know it.

Up the Mariners!