Cod Almighty | Diary

Marginalised dystopia to profligate boomworld?

1 July 2016

Retro Diary writes: So. Scotland are out but want to be in. Wales are in but not for long. England are out, and so are Northern Ireland. I know, you need to think hard to know which of the week’s two Euro-farces we’re talking about.

When 23 June was picked as the referendum date, do you suppose anybody realised it was bang in the middle of the Euros? Maybe they did but didn’t care - the two things aren’t connected in any material sense. Football is completely trivial in comparison to the referendum, and in any case, we were always going to vote to stay in, so it would do no more than bind the competing nations in continently love. Er... hmm.

What an odd dynamic those two things have created. At least succumbing timidly to the might of Iceland meant England didn’t have to have the piss utterly taken out of them by France, both on and off the pitch. Wales, who are still there, have just voted not to be governed from Brussels, yet ironically have to play Belgium at football tonight. But in the event it isn’t such a big deal, Wales being far less disliked, and Belgium far less unified in their patriotic instincts, than England and France respectively. By one humiliation have England avoided another.

So does Brexit have any consequences for our own dear Mariners? Superficially, you would hope not much. A lot of that inward foreign investment from the renewables industry is now on hold – you know, the investment which was going to turn our town from a marginalised dystopia into a profligate boomworld. The ‘Dong Bowl’ and all that. Maybe that was the affluent future for which we were destined, and now we’ll never know what we missed. Actually on hold doesn’t mean much, so we wait and see.

More disturbingly, Brexit may turn Town fan against Town fan – in fact, it’s happening a bit already. But ultimately it’s pointless fighting, as the passage of time will take the matter out of our hands. Let posterity be the judge. That’s about as fence-sitting as I can possibly be right now. But… no, shut up. But… SHUT UP.

July (yes, July), and the Town squad today enjoys its first full day of training, having met up for the first time yesterday. The squad is arguably already healthy enough to survive the new league. Omar is looking distinctly lonely up there however, and I’ll be much happier when a couple of new Podges walk through the door. In the press releases there seems to be a worrying tendency to move players higher up the pitch than they really are – established right-back Ben Davies is described as a midfielder, and midfielder Vose and winger Chambers are described as forwards.

I’m putting out of my mind the thought that this is an attempt to prepare us for a striker-light start to the campaign, or worse, some kind of experimental formation. Hursty yesterday tried to slip in the word diamond, presumably to keep us on our toes. Strikers can afford to hang on the longest before signing, as they are the players most fought over – we hope this, and nothing else, is the reason for the dearth of out-and-out centre forwards so far.

We also welcome Luke Summerfield, or “The Shop”, if you can’t spell. James Berrett also joins from York – his middle name is not a shop, but Trevor. Also, Ayotomiwa (Tom) Bolarinwa from Sutton, who comes with a three year contract and a fee to boot. His video clips show he’s very good at knocking people over – could be just what we need. We have officially forgiven Dominic Vose for his poor judgement last time round. Welcome to the fold to all the recruits, and get prepared for love like you’ve never seen. You won’t be choosing Scunny after this.

UTM