Cod Almighty | Diary

Not too bad, all things considered

4 July 2016

The Icelantic (sic Glen Hoddle, oh how very sick, for me Clive) manager is a dentist so you'd think it would be a simple, but effective, motivational team talk. Three words required: "Is it safe?" Who wouldn't run and run and run after that?

I, your returning long-planned short-term emergency Deviant Diary, shall make things perfectly clear before you trudge on through life, this swamp of meaningless nothingness: you can't have any links today. Nothing's happened over the weekend and the Grimsby Telegraph site is awful, what with all those pop-up adverts, colours and noisy nonsense. You shall be told things without any evidence against which to test statements. Hey, that's democracy.

As we sit twiddling our thumbs in Limboland, waiting for Wednesday, we have nothing to declare but our genius for dedicated desiccation, dissection and distraction activity. Are you the sort of person who would exclaim "Yumbles!" when you see a powerful, direct non-League winger sign? Do you spend hours hunched over a modern communication device trying to craft a bespoke song and dance for yo' yummy Yumbler? You are? No wonder your grass needs cutting.

Are you thinking what I think you're thinking? Tom Bolarinwa… Tombola… Thumbalina… rhymes with quinoa, a holiday in Goa with a feather boa. Why bothoa? Let it grow naturally, for these things are organic. What else do you expect from the yoghurt-reading end of the Town spectrum? You know you're just trying to keep 'Guantanemera' at bay. It may be trite, but it scans just right. D' ye ken Ted Moult?

If you really want to pad out your lunchtime further with wiffle, read on. The Yorkshire Yacker has been musing, if not amusing, in the vicinity of some slack hacks down Cheapside. What to do, what to do? Do we really need another striker to add to the overflowing cup of Bogleness? Isn't one enough? Rest easy. The officially successful Short One definitely wants another defender as we're a wee bit light with only seven. Needs must, priorities are, a priori, a priority.

Don't forget to keep it tight and keep us shape when chanting and ranting. Yumbles!