Cod Almighty | Diary

OK, what’s next?

11 July 2016

Ooh, the rain is falling, ooh the rain is falling. Will it wash away Ronaldo's lonely tears?

On another dreary morning in Freedonia it is I, Deviant Diary, your bore time consiglieri, with more news of no news. We can't avoid the void created by Saturday's Dronfield downpour – "Postponed" said the recurrently superb new official site (RSNOS©). The anti-semantics among us will be railing against those railing against the inaccuracy of that statement. It's not going to happen is it, so it's been cancelled, not postponed to a later date. We must continue to be vigilant and challenge creeping anti-semanticism wherever we see it.

Perhaps they should rename the place Drownfield?

I could witter on about the borefest that was the European Championships and that tedious tosh from last night. Why bother? The lack of motion speaks for itself. We can only take one memory from this month of mundane meanderings – the image of a lonesome moth suckling on Ronaldo's self-pitying tears. Those poor, poor Lepidoptera: that game is all they will ever know, that was their life. Not for me, Clive. Shall we move on?

In the wide world of vague things, Mr Paul Hurst, presently employed as the manager of Grimsby Town Football Club, made public word noises about four new players, maybe, sometime, ideally, in a perfect world, possibly. I told you last week – no-no-no-no more links to the local hackery site, which is repeating its hackery for want of anything new in the news. It's for your own good. We east coast elites know best, and being one of those unique human beings born via a mother, I do have a very real steak in the freezer.

Oh, alright, you need a fix 'cause you're going downtown, where everything's waiting for you. If you want to venture into the Land of the Naked Bluepeople tomorrow then follow this, otherwise you'll get lost and have to make a fern cerl to get back on the right rerd. Happiness is a worn pun.

Talking about steaks in the freezer, the RSNOS© has provided a full list of the new youthers, which is always chortlesome fun for at least three minutes. Check it out and tick off your check list of 1980s American sitcom characters. You've got your Corey and your Mikey, but not yet Mork or Mindy. For those who want our country names back, at least we have Benjamin Flowerdew and Oakley Heath-Drury, good old Lincolnshire sausages in a vat of wieners.

Well, well said the rocking chair. Something new to tell you: the Mansfield away game on 24 September is a 12:15 kick off.