Cod Almighty | Diary

Sophistication? Sophistication? I've been to Leeds!

12 July 2016

Wicklow Diary writes: I came to a realisation during about week 17 of the Euros in France. International football, like the Premier League and Champions League, is stuck in my head. They're clever pop songs using the hooks and riffs of classics from years ago. They cram in all those archetypal chord progressions that tickle our internals and stick with you long after hearing the tune. But I'm on to the lot of them.

The diving, the rehearsed goal celebrations, Gary Lineker's beard, the bookies and the bantz, the plinths, the Premier League records, the cliché-ridden know-nothing punditry about Roy’s tactics and every Sky soap opera exchange or report about Jose or Pep. 'Big' football's spell loses power with every event and leaves me trying to hold even tighter to Town. I want Bowie, not those pretending to be Bowie whilst at the same time pretending Bowie never existed. Modern football doesn't have to be rubbish. Even if it has reduced Barry Davies to doing gambling ads at half time while we suffer Guy Mowbray suffocating in his own smug for the actual game. So, err, in short, if you haven't written an email to john@gtfc.co.uk or signed a petition against B teams, go and do it now.

With that off my chest, let's get today's news of our beloved GTFC and real football. We're off to North Ferriby tonight for the first of two games in two days and four in five days. Kick-off is 7pm and expect some type of split squad affair with one eye on our game at Stamford tomorrow night (the quarter-final of Lincolnshire's premier and most prestigious football competition, in case you've forgotten). 

"Had Grimsby not been promoted at the end of last season the two sides would have been facing each other in the National League this season" is the accurate and chilling statement (no disrespect like, to the likes of North Ferriby United) in our opponents' match preview. I understood most of it but if you are heading over the bridge tonight, don't forget to print off or remind yourself of this priceless nugget. The SNOS plugs the highlights of last year's victory on Mariners Player but as most of the sequences involve Pittman, Amond, Arnold and Clay, I found them a bit upsetting.

I don't have the energy or mental capacity to follow a second team but as a local side, I'll probably continue to observe with mild, not-quite indifference North Ferriby's unthreatening progress up the leagues. Rather like I did with Scunny for most of my first 25 years supporting Town. Look how that worked out.

Our pre-season schedule may be busy but it could have Town fans feeling left behind. Pre-season training camps are this summer's must-have. And we haven't. Newport to Poland, Wycombe to France, Leyton Orient to Italy, Scunny to Austria... the list goes on and on. 

While the rest of the league jets off on fancy package holidays, we're still tying knots in our hankies on Cleethorpes beach. We sniggered when Podge mentioned Hartlepool's jolly to Tenerife in his Radio Humberside exit interview, but apparently we're the ones who are out of touch. What we're missing I'm not sure, apart from a bloody great big bill and an increased chance of the team breaking curfew and tearing up the local town. We'll have the last laugh when we're all shivering together in the mud and ice from September to mid-April.

Craig Clay, too, has the travel itch and is trialling with Bidvest Wits in Johannesburg. I assume that name isn't real and is a Red Bull Salzburg kind of thing but with whatever a Bidvest does. Banking, gambling, making vests? Bidvest can join Skrill and Gazprom and others on the 'don't know and not finding out' list of stupid advertising. (I also don't click on sponsored tweets, and boycott the companies in YouTube adverts; let me know if you'd like a copy of my free pamphlet.)

Deviant Diary mentioned the Mansfield game switch yesterday – our fixture is one of three Stags games that have been changed at request of the local plod. The other two seem logical: the derby with Notts County and the local-ish Donny on new year's eve. Ours less so. It's similar to the Tranmere Rovers arrangements last season with the now familiar 'guilty until proven guilty' approach taken to football supporter policing.

This isn't a straightforward issue of course. It's generally just the minority that mess it up for everyone. However, if you've been in the proximity of that minority you can sort of understand where the police are coming from. What's the answer? I don't know. We say fans should be treated better; police will point to evidence that some of us can't be trusted to behave. We always blame the minority but are the majority doing enough to eradicate it? For sure, if the police are consistent in assessing games and Mansfield v Grimsby Town was flagged, they'll be moving a lot of kick-offs this season.

Any transfer dealings to speak of? Lenell John-Lewis was crocked playing for Newport on Friday so any move for him is now, like his knee, on ice. The striker search goes on. No need to worry but we don't want to end up like my local council when they have a bit of roads budget to spend at the end of the financial year. Rather than save the money towards a new wing on the hospital or a library, they panic-spend and we end up with extra road signs and superfluous traffic lights everywhere. Completely pointless and unnecessary and they irritate the hell out of everybody. 'Strakers' are the incredibly niche nickname they've been given in our family.