Cod Almighty | Diary

You were just the harsh realisation that we could do better

1 March 2019

Following on from the topic of forgettable loans that the excellent @onthisGTFCday account ran on Twitter a couple of days ago, I decided to look at each of the Mariners line-ups that have faced tomorrow’s opponents Cambridge while both clubs were wallowing in non-League to see if I could add any further obscure footballers to the list.

Ladies and gentlemen, your West Yorkshire Diary presents to you six names that I can comfortably declare mean absolutely fuck all to me.

First up we have Tyrone Thompson. Technically, not a loan player – but I thought I’d open up the remit for shits and giggles. He actually scored for Town against Cambridge in August 2011 after signing in the summer on non-contract terms as cover for the irreplaceable Anthony Church, explains Wikipedia (because I sure as hell can’t remember).

Kiernan Hughes-Mason. Signed from Kettering, scored two goals in 11 appearances and then left for Welling. I can only presume he was cover for the irreplaceable Serge Makofo.

Does the name Luke McCarthy mean anything to you? A midfielder, I’m reliably informed by what little I could find of his existence online, who joined on loan from Bury in 2011-12 for one genuinely forgettable month.

Dougie Wilson? Honestly, not an effing clue. Central midfielder who signed on loan from Hull. Three appearances, back to the Tigers, then back to Northern Ireland where he was originally from.

Now, I must confess that I do remember Ritchie Jones, if only because much was made of his Man Utd pedigree. Unfortunately, I also remember him being made of porcelain. He was too fragile for the rugged tussles of non-League but perfectly suited for the gentler pace of North American soccer, which is where he ended up after his brief time with us.

But who could forget the striking powerhouse that was Oumare Tounkara! What, all of you? What a shame. The big lad from Stevenage scored twice for the Mariners, and it turns out that his move to Blundell Park was just a stepping stone to more heady days in the Croatian and French lower leagues.

Remember, these are players who just happened to be in our squads when facing Cambridge between 2011-12 and 2014-15. Imagine how many more waste-of-time misfits are lurking in those non-League shadows.

Now, onto more current affairs. Our 1-0 defeat at the Abbey Stadium back in early November left us 21st in the table with 15 points from 16 games – three points behind (and two places below) Colin Calderwood’s men. Tomorrow we’ll kick off 11 points ahead and eight places above them, underlying what good work Michael Jolley and the team have done in the four months since that meeting.

The U’s, meanwhile, have been treading water. They’ve just lost three games on the trot without scoring while the Mariners have won their last three home games without conceding. Cambridge sit just above that mini league of rubbish, where one of Port Vale, Yeovil or Morecambe are destined to be caught by Sol Campbell’s Silkmen. Only Port Vale have scored fewer goals than Cambridge in the league this season, and only Notts County have picked up fewer points on the road than our visitors tomorrow.

Five of Cambridge’s ten goals scored away from home this season have come in the first 15 minutes, while they’ve only scored two in the second half (conceding a massive 23). Nullify any threat early on and you’d put your money on Town picking up three points from this contest – but, as we saw when Macclesfield came to Town, nothing is a given in this league – even if the opposition can barely stand up straight and look the right way.

Finally today, well done to Town defender Mattie Pollock whose hard work and dedication has been recognised by the League Football Education. In this world where 12-year-olds are scooped up by club conglomerates and told they have a bright future in the game only to be dumped unceremoniously on the football scrapheap at the age of 20 after playing little to no professional football because, you know, there were 27 others ahead of them, it’s good to see a focus on education be valued and rewarded at this level.

Games between Grimsby and Cambridge always remind me of our back-to-back promotions in the early 90s when we rose through the leagues side by side. Enjoy the match and UTM!