Cod Almighty | Diary

And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.

11 October 2019

Your West Yorkshire Diary is in a stinking mood and short of time, which doesn’t bode well for today’s diary, does it? Apologies for the brevity.

Tomorrow the Mariners visit Stevenage. Yes, that horrible little corner of Hertfordshire with the endless concrete and the heartless stewards. You know — the ones that make you show your bras because you’re trying to smuggle pyrotechnics into the ground, or something.

Are you as astounded as me that there were literally no repercussions for the club on that matter? Well, if Donald Trump and Boris Johnson can continue governing entire nations despite their lengthy lists of 'indiscretions' then maybe we shouldn’t be surprised that no one gave a shit when some jobsworths asked a few female fans to lift up their tops.

Talking of jobsworths, tomorrow’s referee will be Neil Hair. We’ve yet to complete a match with 11 men when he’s been in charge of one of our games. Like last week’s egregious berk, Mr Hair hasn’t been officiating in the Football League for very long. Oh dear. If I wasn’t so irritable right now I’d probably attempt some kind of hair pun, like ‘Hair we go again’.

But! Mr Butcher’s two-word assessment of the pastel peeper’s performance at Swindon last season (when he sent off Ludwig Öhman) was ‘distinctly normal’ so who knows? He might be gracious enough to let winless Stevenage ruin the spectacle instead.

I mean, the Mariners haven’t been very good against the Boro. Things started well with a 5-2 victory at Blundell Park in August 2016 but since then it’s been pretty dire. Four defeats, one draw and about a dozen violations of privacy.

I like to think that things even themselves out over time, so maybe the referee won’t be such a jeb-end, the Mariners will pick up three points and perhaps — just perhaps — the stewards will get their comeuppance. I’m not sure how. Any ideas?

If you’re going to Broadhall Way tomorrow, prepare for the worst in every single way possible. And then, when you're not violated by a body search, or the ref doesn’t lose his damn mind, or the Mariners come away with a result, then Stevenage won’t seem so grey. UTM!